Gospels Pt. 11 – Here’s Some Mud in Your Eye

Bible Stories for Atheists

Happy Orthodox Easter! What the hell is that anyway?

We kick off with Jesus spitting in some dirt, making some mud, and rubbing it into the eyes of a blind guy to make him see again. Which is weird since he’s healed a lot of blind people before yet never needed to spit in their face to do it. Hmmmm….

There’s the Parable of the Rich Fool, where we are told either that you need to not store up great wealth, or if you do you need to also donate to the church. It’s not quite clear which way this moral is supposed to fall.

Jesus talks about anxiety. Basically, don’t worry about food, water, or clothing. God will provide. Just ignore when he doesn’t, you naked and hungry heathen!

We find out only about 50% of people are getting into heaven. Doesn’t sound like much but that’s actually far more than most Christians think will get into heaven!

Ten virgins walk out into a field in the middle of the night to wait for a guy they’re all engaged to. Five of them forget to bring batteries for their flashlights. The other five have extra but won’t share. So the five who need batteries go to the store to get some, but the guy shows up while they’re gone and now they can’t marry him. The moral to the story? ALWAYS BE READY FOR THE END TIMES!

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