Gospels Pt. 10 – Oh, the Audacity

Bible Stories for Atheists

Don’t look it up. Let’s see how well you remember it. Try to complete this sentence, “Our Father, who art in heaven…”

Of all the commandments God handed down throughout the Old Testament, which is the greatest? Trick question! Two of them are the greatest! And Jesus breaks them down, or has them broken down for him, depending on which gospel you read.

The sisters Mary and Martha show up. In theory these would be the sisters of Lazarus, however he doesn’t seem to be around in this story. Hmmmm. We find out Jesus cares way less about getting some lunch than he does having a chick hang out at his feet basking in his glory. That doesn’t sound like a cult leader at all.

Unsure of how to pray? Do you get on your knees and say, “Well, now what?” Jesus to the rescue. Find out how Jesus says you should pray with two different versions of the same prayer.

Jesus tells us how to get bread from friends in the middle of the night. The secret is audacity. So, too, will God give you salvation. Not because he wants to. No. Because apparently he doesn’t. It’s your audacity that’ll do it.

Jesus doesn’t seem to understand how eyes and light works. Somehow that has to do with being greedy. Don’t ask me, I just write this stuff down. I don’t pretend to understand any of it.

And the pharisees get a real chewing out by Jesus. One version has him getting invited to a pharisee’s house and after dinner Jesus just goes off on the guy. Luckily nothing that Jesus calls out sounds anything like a lot of his followers today. Luckily those who so thoroughly believe this is real have been changed by their beliefs so they don’t flout their piety.

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