Gospels Pt. 2 – Geriatric Parenting 101

Bible Stories for Atheists

Jesus jumps from twelve years old to thirty years old without any apparent need to inform us about his formative years. Did he get acne? Or surprise boners? {Insert raising Lazarus joke here} Did he get his Masters in Divinity from ITT Tech?

Also, we quickly struggle with how to organize stories that take place at different times in all the gospels. Like seriously, they cannot agree on when things happened.

But the first story we dig into is Jesus’ baptism. This first story we come to that is in all four gospels, though not the same in all four gospels. You ever jump in a river, have the sky crack open, and a nightmare bird come down shouting praises at you? If so, you might be Jesus.

From there, Jesus walked dripping into the desert to face Satan for the first (and only) time. A story so epic, it’s only in three of the gospels and even then Mark’s two sentence version doesn’t really count either. We learn a valuable lesson, no matter how tempting it is to throw yourself off of a high ledge because Satan is telling you to, don’t do it. (Seriously, this is probably the most practical message the bible has for us.)

Then he walks out of the desert into a synagogue, tells people he’s the messiah and going to save everyone including gentiles and THEY try to throw him off a cliff. At some point, Jesus, you have to ask if God is trying to tell you something.

Were the people like, “We know you can fly! We all know you’re going to do it sooner or later! Just fly! We want to see it!” Similar to when I binged all 9 seasons of Smallville for him to finally fly in the last episode. #WorthIt

It’s a short episode but a fun one. Love you.

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