Rejoicing in Lament: J. Todd Billings on Life with Christ and Terminal Cancer

The Table Audio w/ Evan Rosa

"My first theological thought was: 'God does not owe me a long life.'" Our guest today is a theologian living with terminal cancer. Dr. J. Todd Billings is the Gordon H. Girod research professor of reformed theology at Western Theological Seminary and an ordained minister in the Reformed Church in America. In 2012, Billings was diagnosed with an incurable blood cancer. Billings and his wife had young children, just three years old and one year old. He was working hard on a book, he was on sabbatical. Things were going well and then they weren't. In this podcast episode, Billings speaks frankly and vulnerably about his diagnosis and illness, his thoughts and feeling about death, and the broader theological and cultural implications about dying.

Show Notes

• 0:00—Begin interview
• 2:25—J. Todd Billings’s story and cancer diagnosis
• 7:40—Praying for healing and praying the Psalms
• 8:42—"An abundant life in Christ is not measured in years."
• 12:07—A reading from Psalm 102
• 13:00—Theological thoughts on facing death
• 16:42—Prayer as complaint
• 25:48—Intermission
• 27:52—San Francisco's prohibition of burials and removal of cemeteries
• 29:19—How contemporary society talks about death
• 33:32—Ars moriendi, the art of dying well
• 34:00—Reference to Martin Luther: "You should think of death
  frequently."
• 37:40—Reflecting on beauty in facing death
• 48:50—Denying our creaturely limitations
• 51:28—Grace vs. loss
• 53:28—What is hope?
• 54:45—End interview, credits

Quotes From J. Todd Billings

• "My first theological thought was God does not owe me a long life.”

• "In many ways, the prayer of lament is one of the most faithful
  prayers that we can give in witness to Jesus Christ, because not only
  Christians but non‑Christians realize that the world around us is a
  mess in so many ways."

• "If we're followers of the crucified and risen Lord I think we have to believe in that strength that comes, not in spite of weakness but in weakness."

• "A part of me did not want to take risks. I kind of wanted to huddle
  up. I've had enough pain. I don't want to take risks. That
  self‑protective sensibility can become our master. That is not
  compatible with Jesus Christ as our master."

• "Ultimately, even though it's hard to say, my ultimate hope is not that I can see my kids graduate from high school. My hope is that Jesus Christ, who is Lord, will make all things right and will renew the whole creation on the last day. The hope that I taste by the Spirit is the joy that I have is a foretaste as one who belongs to Christ."

• "An abundant life in Christ is not measured in years."

Credits

• The Table is sponsored by generous grants from the John Templeton Foundation, Templeton Religion Trust, and The Blankemeyer Foundation
• Theme music by The Brilliance
• Production and engineering by The Narrativo Group
• Production Assistance by Laura Crane
• Edited and mixed by TJ Hester
• Special thanks to J. Todd Billings
• Evan Rosa on Twitter
• CCT on Twitter