Motherhood

Don't Lose Your Balance with Mallory Durrick

Hi, everybody, welcome to the 21st episode of Don't lose your balance. My name is Mallory Durrick. I hope you've been enjoying all of the episodes up till now. And if you haven't been listening, feel free to drop in from episode one all the way up to 20. Today, I am thinking about this topic based on a clubhouse room for Gratitude Journal 365 that we run every day. And I've been thinking about this topic. And it was actually included in my outline of 52 episodes that I had titled before I even started this podcast. And that title is motherhood and motherhood is a hard topic for me to talk about. Because in the in the way I look back on my own life as a mother, I don't actually think that I was great as a mother. And I think that what has prompted this particular episode today was based on the fact that when we talked about how we could be more compassionate towards ourselves. And this was the prompt in gratitude about not being so harsh. And you could maybe get to the other side of something, if you were maybe a little bit more compassionate towards yourself. And and I get that I've probably been the most hard on myself for many of the choices that I've made. But I cannot speak more highly of how harsh I was on myself over motherhood. And this is a hard episode for me to just start talking without even scripting it. And much of why this podcast had even been started in the first place had to had a lot to do with my relationship with my children. And how I could figure out how to continue to move forward without being so hard on myself about the decisions I made in the past that impacted them. And when I look back on my life, I think, Oh, my God, how in the world did I even get through all these years? And how did I somehow managed to get to the other side of it. And it wasn't easy. And I'm going to say that straight off straight out. It was not easy. I probably did more damage to myself than anybody. But of course, there are going to be people that experienced the fallout of it all. And those are my kids. And I can't speak for them. And I've spoken about that. In other episodes, I cannot speak for my children about what their experience was having me as a mother and I remember being really happy mother in the earlier days. I loved when I had my first daughter, my first child, my daughter, I loved being a mom and I loved having her with me. She was literally by my side every single day, for an entire year. I was a nursing mother. And I nursed her up until about 13 months and nobody put a bottle in her mouth. And I was really proud of that accomplishment not only from a health benefit, I think I thought less of the health benefits as much as I thought about the convenience how convenient it was to just nurse my baby and it was over and then I could either go back to sleep or we could get on with our day and I could travel with her and it was so simple.

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