NRR 24 - Jason's Short Career

Benny's Grab Bag

I gotta tell you folks, if I can’t start getting a full night’s sleep I fear I might start making poor judgment calls. This is Vox and you’re listening to Not Really Radio.

I reached out to a friend of mine who - since he was the only applicant - I recently hired as my top science consultant to help us make sense of some of the cryptid craziness we experience here in Tecumseh.

Honestly, I’m questioning my choice, as his only expertise lies in taking an online course called “Get Really good at science stuff really fast.com”. But apparently they have a bunch of satisfied celebrity clients that range from Bill Nye to the research and development arm of Gemmy the American Novelty manufacturer responsible for Billy the Big Mouth Bass, so I decided I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

I asked my friend to put his newfound science abilities to work and explain this odd wailing sound that's been bothering Tecumseh so I could in turn explain it to you.

He said: “It is either organic or inorganic in nature. The sound lies well within the range of human hearing, but seems to bother dogs as well. It’s been proven to awaken sleeping infants and cause a significant sense of discomfort in most if not all humans. The sound is audible from anywhere in Tecumseh and is really really loud and annoying. Did you know Dihydrogen oxide is the main ingredient for cryptid paralysis venom?”

In a related story, I have recently fired my science consultant and may be in the market for a new friend as well.

In other news, congratulations are in order for Tim the hydra who lives near the wastewater treatment plant on his engagement to Candace the Sea Serpent who lives in the pond behind the community center. The couple is registered at giant monsters ‘r us, Cthulu and sons home goods and Target.

Finally a tiny truck tipped over in the parking lot of Bucsch’s and somewhere around thousand tiny pairs of antlers on head bands spilled out all over a two square foot patch of asphalt. An employee was approaching to sweep up the tiny mess when a scurry of squirrels descended on her, and pelted her with acorns until she ran screaming back to the safety of the store. The squirrels then cleaned up the antler headbands, righted the truck and were last seen driving at top speed, so around 8mph, toward Occidental.

Wonder what that was about.

Until next time, this is Vox and you’ve been listening to Not Really Radio.

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