How Moms of Autistics Hold Their Head High and Stay the Course After Challenging Behaviors

Thriving Moms of Autistics

Hi Moms! In the last episode, I shared how learning to stay a step ahead of your child allows you to stay calm when your child escalates, which is the ultimate self-care tip.

But that is only part of it. Escalation can be exhausting even when you as a mom stay relatively calm in the process. The aftermath can still be difficult.

In this episode, I explore how to maintain harmony once your child deescalates and how you can deal with the aftermath and stay focused.

Find the full transcript for this episode at www.thrivingmomsofautistics.com/41

Please share the podcast with other moms to help them grow in their autism journey. You can also do this by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts. I appreciate you!

Challenges Are a Part of All Journeys as well as the Autism Journey

Challenge is inevitable. How we deal with it as moms of autistics matters in the short and long term. As moms, we want the best for our children. So much so that our self-care fades away in the background while moving them to the forefront.

So, what keeps us from achieving the self-care tip of catching your child’s behaviors ahead of time to deal with it as it comes rather than after it occurs. This is also known as an antecedent or what occurs before the maladaptive behavior that leads to escalation.

Three words …we are human. Meaning that we are tired, worn down, and only have room for so much at a time. We often put ourselves on the back burner to ensure our children get what they need. We might be tempted to allow our kids to do certain things or to remove consequences because it is just easier that way in that moment.

This is a very bad habit. Our children’s behaviors are shaped by how we deal with situations along the way. They learn boundaries from us, so it is important to stay committed to those boundaries to guide future behavior and success.

Ultimately, this is a great self-care hack for moms because being mindful of the antecedent allows us to combat escalation and reduce stressors that would have occurred if we too had escalated.

What Moms Can Do After Successfully Dealing with Behaviors to Keep Themselves Focused

You have successfully headed off further escalation and behaviors, now what? It would be easy to pick it apart to figure how you could have handled it in a way that there would not have been a problem in the first place, right?

You can head down the yellow brick road of fantasy telling yourself you weren’t good enough and should have handled it perfectly, right?

That’s not realistic. Perfectionism doesn’t exist. So, don’t put yourself in a position to believe that is even an option. It’s not for anyone. All children have behaviors.

What if you did the opposite? What if you showed yourself some grace.

Yeah, today was hard, but tomorrow will be better. Rather than, I failed, or I am a horrible mom.

Today’s meltdown in the store was scary. I didn’t think that taking her to two stores in a day was a bad idea. I know she handles one store a day well. Now that I know this, I will plan this in the future.

I know he has been struggling with having safe hands and feet around others, so taking him to the carnival that is sensory overload might not be the best idea this year. We can plan for something less stimulating that will be fun for him and safe for everyone.

Focusing on what you could have or should have done differently alone is not helpful. Nor is telling yourself you are not enough and that your child is doomed helpful.

Acknowledging the difficulty, giving yourself grace, and learning from it allows for growth. That is the difference between a fixed and a growth mindset. And that is how you stay on a solid path so that you don’t fall into negative thinking patterns that further stress you out.

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