How do we know therapy is working?

The Ten Thousand Things

Sam, Joe and Ali reflect on our experiences in therapy. Sometimes the results seem clear – other times they’re hard to see. All agree it’s important to compare your progress to your past self, not some idealised perfect self.

We discuss people who don’t think they need therapy. Ali mentions people who “prefer to work things out themselves”.

Sam discusses the frustration of the session ending after 50 minutes – Joe says he wants an 8 hour MDMA therapy session – Sam wants to get on the ketamine.

Parents get a light going over. Sam discusses a breakthrough around his time in Hare Krishna boarding school. Things can’t be fully resolved, but they can be carried more lightly.

Does Bill Burr think therapy is bullshit, or does he do it? (We think so)

Ali discusses sharing her darkest secrets with Joe and the trust involved in the that.

We discuss psychiatrists vs psychologists and where bipolar comes from. Joe says he can intellectualise feelings but struggles to actually feel feelings.

Ali says three years is the sweet spot for how long therapy should take to work.

Sam reckons more like 10 years for him and talks about being exasperating.

We conclude with a discussion of the psychoanalytic method and why we always end up back in childhood.

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• (00:00) - Theme
• (00:17) - Intro
• (00:23) - How do we know therapy is working?
• (01:13) - Compare yourself to six months ago
• (01:44) - You forget how f***d up you were
• (02:39) - Journal entries help track progress
• (03:05) - Using prayer to overcome thoughts
• (04:18) - "They said I'm fine" said Person needing therapy
• (05:22) - You're here to 'do the reps'
• (05:40) - Is there a 40 year old that doesn't need therapy?
• (07:24) - Subsidised therapy in Australia
• (08:19) - Sometimes it wasn't working
• (08:50) - Write a long email - delete most of it
• (09:41) - Bill Burr and therapy
• (10:32) - End of a session, castration anxiety
• (13:22) - I haven't hit a limit with therapy yet
• (13:34) - I don't waste my time in there
• (14:13) - Pick any childhood memory and start there
• (14:35) - It's actually about NOT blaming your parents
• (15:36) - You're flawed, and your parents too
• (16:32) - The wound was already there
• (16:47) - Boarding school trauma - need to tell the story properly
• (18:24) - It's not about more recent things
• (19:16) - You feel you're doing what you need to be doing
• (19:36) - Not resolve, but hold it more lightly
• (22:48) - I'm curious about why people are like they are
• (24:33) - You don't need a pat on the back
• (25:54) - It's not about your diagnosis
• (27:07) - Therapy helps with nature and nurture
• (28:24) - My awful habit of giving advice
• (28:44) - I'm containing things more
• (29:23) - Getting to 'You're safe now'
• (31:05) - You can be trusted, you are a safe pair of hands
• (31:31) - Being persuaded you aren't a bad person
• (32:13) - Many women will begin with self blame
• (33:17) - Deconstruction and Construction
• (34:22) - The final level boss
• (37:32) - It may take three years
• (38:51) - Resisting therapy, realising you can change
• (41:42) - Neurotic misery to normal unhappiness