#154 We Don't Need To Love It. We Just Need To Do It. That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding podcast

43:17

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ In this episode, I'm chatting with Dr. Victoria Ruby-Granger, a psychologist at De Montfort University who has researched how hoarding behaviours develop and the potential for early intervention. We explore the importance of looking beyond physical clutter to understand what possessions mean for those with hoarding tendencies and discuss the role of trauma, loss and life transitions. Plus, we touch on the challenges and potential pathways for early intervention in children and young people. Dr. Victoria Ruby-Granger's Path to Studying Hoarding Influence of TV programmes about hoarding. Curiosity about the development of hoarding behaviours. Research on Hoarding Behaviours and Childhood Discussion on hoarding behaviours beginning in childhood or adolescence. Experiences shared by research participants. Understanding 'Struggling to Manage' Explanation of the concept derived from research. Methods used by Dr. Victoria Ruby-Granger in her research. Qualitative study and grounded theory methodology. Patterns of Hoarding Development Managing possessions and life. Emotional attachments and meanings of possessions. Impact of life transitions on hoarding behaviour. Overcoming Hoarding Challenges Importance of support beyond possessions Identity and functioning challenges for individuals with hoarding disorder. Early Intervention in Hoarding Difficulty in identifying people who need early intervention. Importance of awareness and understanding childhood behaviours. Diagnostic Criteria and Support Challenges Discussion on current diagnostic criteria for hoarding disorder. Difficulties in accessing support without a diagnosis. Potential Patterns and Findings in Dr. Victoria Ruby-Granger's Research Emotional attachments and decision-making reluctance. Preferences for discarding possessions through certain methods. Advice for Parents about children showing hoarding behaviours Recommendations for parents of children displaying hoarding-related behaviours. Importance of communication and understanding the emotional meanings attached to items. Emphasis on trauma and loss in hoarding behaviours. Importance of understanding personal experiences in hoarding…

That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

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#178 Growing up in a hoarded home: Sam’s story as the child of a Mum who hoards 51:38

8 days ago51:38

51:38

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ In this episode I chat with Sam, who speaks movingly about growing up with a mother who hoards. Now 28, Sam reflects on the claustrophobic environment, the impact on their self-esteem and organisation, and the ongoing journey to rebuild a relationship with food, space, and self-worth. Whether you're a hoarder, the child of somebody who hoards, or you know someone who is, Sam's story offers a vital perspective on living through - and beyond - the hoard. Sam’s experience growing up in a hoarded home Importance of understanding perspectives of those affected by hoarding Sam’s Childhood Experience Description of upbringing in a hoarded home Emotional impact and feelings of claustrophobia and anxiety Lack of emotional and physical space Experiences of shame and comparison with peers Coping Mechanisms and Effects on Daily Life Sam's view of their home as an obstacle course Impact of hoarding on family relationships Lack of privacy and its influence on personal development Impact on Self-Esteem and Mental Health Struggle with self-esteem and self-care Connection between environment and depression Feelings of negativity and isolation School and Social Interactions Effect on academic performance and organisational skills Challenges in completing schoolwork Experiences with friends visiting the home and related anxieties Adolescence and Growing Awareness Anger and frustration during teenage years Lack of external intervention and support Missed opportunities for professional help External Perception and Professional Insight Outside family and societal perceptions of hoarding Drip-feeding experiences to others and feeling of overwhelming others Relationship with Food and Nutrition Negative perceptions of food due to spoiling and smells Ongoing struggle with eating certain foods, particularly fruit Rebuilding a relationship with food as an adult Leaving the Home and Independence Sam’s experience and decision to move out at 20 Challenges and processes involved in leaving the parental hoarded home Continued responsibilities in a second hoarded home Long-term Effects on Sam’s Adult Life Influence on career choice and support work with young carers Ongoing challenges with personal organisation and self-care Struggles with mental health and burnout Sam’s Relationship with Family Complex relationship dynamics with parents Lack of understanding from parents regarding Sam’s struggles and decisions Reflection on parental insight into hoarding and its effects on family Current Relationship with Hoarding and Cleaning Sam’s approach to possessions Emotional responses to cleaning and organising tasks Developing the skillset for maintaining an organised living space Message for Others Experiencing Similar Situations Encouragement for other young carers and children of hoarders Importance of self-worth and identity outside of hoarding stigmas Strategies for mental health and personal growth Final Thoughts and Reflections Reflections on how sharing and exploration helps understanding Hope for the interview to be beneficial to listeners with similar experiences…

That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

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#177 11 unexpected things this podcast has taught me about mistakes, life, perfectionism and progress 38:28

15 days ago38:28

38:28

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ Today, I'm reflecting on 11 unexpected lessons I've picked up since starting this podcast, which go beyond just understanding hoarding disorder. From learning the power of showing progress rather than perfection, to discovering the benefits of stepping out of my comfort zone, I'll share insights that have influenced not just my journey with hoarding, but life as a whole. Let's see how the themes of mistakes, progress, and learning can apply to anyone seeking positive change. Importance of showing progress instead of aiming for perfection Personal struggle with early episodes and progression over time Decision to keep early episodes live as a reflection of journey and growth Examining Contradictions Realisation of contradictions in personal life versus podcasting Applying podcast editing philosophy to home tidying Capabilities and Achievements Realisation of being able to do things previously thought impossible Learning from incremental progress and its application to life Comfort Zones Exploring stepping outside of comfort zones The rewards of nudging the edges and expanding comfort zones slowly Learning and Growth Starting from minimal knowledge and continuously learning Academic engagement and gaining comprehensive understanding Sticking to a Routine Maintaining a consistent schedule and routine with the podcast Role of accountability and motivation in sticking to a routine Adaptability and Change Ability to learn, adapt, and tweak processes over time Application of flexibility learned from podcasting to personal life Community and Accountability Impact of accountability and community support on podcasting and life Building mutual support through interactions and feedback Facing Mistakes and Reality Embracing mistakes and authenticity rather than striving for flawlessness Shifting perspective on self-perceived failures Respect and Compassion from Others Receiving respect from guests and listeners despite personal doubts Impact on self-compassion and self-respect Transferability of Learning Applying lessons learned in podcasting to other areas of life Recognising that growth in one area can benefit others Reflections on the transformative impact of the podcast on life Encouragement to pursue growth and new experiences beyond direct goals…

That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

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#176 What to do with clothes when we lose or gain weight (with absolutely NO diet-culture talk!): practical tips for dealing with size fluctuations without clutter 48:41

22 days ago48:41

48:41

That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

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#175 Taking the scary first steps: the courage to call a professional organiser, with Jasmine Sleigh 1:00:35

29 days ago1:00:35

1:00:35

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ In this episode, I'm joined by Jasmine Sleigh, professional declutterer, as we discuss the daunting first steps of reaching out for professional help in tackling hoarding. Jasmine shares insights into what prompts individuals to make that initial call and the courage it takes, alongside practical strategies for working with organisers. Tune in for a thoughtful conversation on overcoming fears and building trust for positive change in managing clutter. Inviting Professional Help Jasmine explains common motivators for people to seek help Specific incidents or realisations prompting action Example scenarios like misplaced items or repairs The Initial Call to a Professional Organiser What typically prompts the call for professional help Jasmine's perspective on admiration for those who reach out The importance of taking calls seriously and with empathy Engaging with Potential Clients Approach to initial conversations with potential clients Building trust and understanding the client's situation Establishing client needs and potential outcomes Assessing the Client’s Home How Jasmine gathers information about the client's home Importance of assessing without judgment Considering client interaction with their items and living space Professional Organiser-Client Dynamics Respecting clients’ preferences and leading decisions Balancing professional insight with client autonomy Working towards the client's goals and priorities Process from Inquiry to Working Together Steps from initial inquiry to in-home visit Managing client expectations and realities Ensuring client comfort and readiness In-Home Visit Experience Jasmine’s mindset and approach during a home visit Avoiding overwhelm and maintaining professionalism Logistical and emotional assessments of the client’s environment Judgment and Perception in the Decluttering Process Being conscious of non-verbal cues and judgments perceived by clients Strategies for maintaining client comfort and trust Determining Fit and Referrals Assessing fit between client and professional organiser Referring clients to other professionals when appropriate Dealing with Client Motivations and External Pressures Addressing clients seeking help due to external pressures Finding a balance between urgency and client readiness Ensuring Positive Outcomes and Encouraging Future Engagement Creating a sense of achievement for the client Fostering positive experiences to encourage future self-help Challenges and Responsibilities of Professional Organisers Ethical responsibilities and managing client expectations Building trust for effective collaboration Personal Reflections and Habits for Mental Health Jasmine shares personal habits that support her mental health Reflection on the importance of reading and self-care activities…

That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

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#174 How to feel grounded when we're overwhelmed or dysregulated using ventral vagal spaces and touchstones, with Dr Jan Eppingstall 1:14:51

5 weeks ago1:14:51

1:14:51

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ In today's episode, Dr Jan Eppingstall and I explore how to create a ventral vagal space or touchstone to help us regulate our emotions, drawing inspiration from the work of Deb Dana and polyvagal theory. We look at how we can find or create areas within our home, and objects we can use on the go, that provide safety and connection, allowing us to feel grounded and manage overwhelming moments. We'll look at the emotional significance of objects, avoiding those that glower at us, and instead creating spaces filled with comfort and warmth. Creating Your Own Ventral Vagal Space Permission Slip segment Discussion about photographic portraits Emotions associated with the portraits Objects as Memories Significant memories vs. happy memories Harriet Impey's notion of "glowering" objects Emotional Impact of Objects Portraits as a reminder of insecurity Ventral Vagal Space Concept Use of Deb Dana's work in polyvagal theory Connection between emotional safety and physical space Explanation of Polyvagal Theory Breakdown of the nervous system's stages: ventral vagal, sympathetic, and dorsal vagal Relevance of Polyvagal Theory to Hoarding Trauma and its relation to object attachment Challenges of decision-making in a cluttered environment Deb Dana's Home Analogy - Comparison of home systems to body's autonomic systems Integration needed for a "full life" and connection Practical Application of Ventral Vagal Spaces Creating nourishing home spaces Abundance Importance of Touchstones Explanation and significance of touchstones Examples of personal or portable calming items Creating a Ventral Vagal Space or Touchstone Starting small by identifying objects that bring safety and contentment Using childhood memories to influence current safe spaces Applications and Benefits Using the space for emotional regulation Touchstones as portable reminders of safety Recognising objects that already serve as touchstones Importance of awareness and observation in identifying touchstones Utilising Resources for Grounding Examples of resources: lava lamps, messages, certain sounds Strategies for implementing these resources in daily life…

That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

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#173 9 things that are working for me when tackling hoarding and over-acquiring right now 40:53

6 weeks ago40:53

40:53

Sign up for the newsletter: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/newsletter Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ In today's episode, I'm sharing nine strategies that are making a real difference in managing my hoarding behaviour and curbing over-acquiring right now. From tricks to overcome perfectionism and opening a daunting pile of letters to finding support in unexpected places and even leveraging a cute app, these tactics are moving me forward. Join me as I lay out what's working, in the hope it sparks a few ideas for you too. Opening 100 unopened letters Overcoming fear and procrastination Sorting coins and dealing with obsolete items Decision-making process in letting go Recognising dehoarding as self-kindness, not punishment Benefits of having a friend who knows the hoarding situation Managing perfectionism and doing things imperfectly Using the "hummingbird method" for tasks Introduction and use of the Finch app for self-care Using virtual assistants for task reminders Success with excessive mug collection and food cupboards Impact of the documentary "Buy Now" on purchasing habits Changing relationship with the inner critic Overcoming Mail Anxiety Milestone Kindness, Not Chore Embrace Imperfection for Future Growth Hands-Free Task Management Best-before dates at the start of the year Consumerism Documentary Curbing Instant Gratification…

That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

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#172 Harriet Impey on clearing out her parents’ very full home, through family belongings and personal growth, in the film Where Dragons Live 1:05:23

7 weeks ago1:05:23

1:05:23

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ In today's episode, I chat with Harriet Impey about the complex process of clearing out her parents' cluttered house after their deaths. From unusual family rules to emotional ties with objects, we cover how Harriet navigated the challenges of sorting belongings, her family dynamics, and the personal growth she experienced along the way navigating emotional landscapes. We also talk about whether her parents hoarded and how their relationship with their stuff has affected her relationship with her stuff. Plus, we discuss the importance of letting go, embracing mindfulness, and the transformative power of therapy. Trailer: Where Dragons Live : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2ARgzYZei8 Growing up in a cluttered house and realisation later in life Harriet's mother's attachment to objects and possible hoarding Influence of family habits on personal behaviour Relationships and Emotional Awareness Harriet's journey towards emotional awareness and accepting imperfections Importance of recognising complex feelings Managing fear of arguments and expressing anger Using Objects Instead of Saving Them Harriet's family preference for keeping items "too special to use" Transition to using these items with joy Family Dynamics and Emotional Suppression Differences in attitudes towards possessions among Harriet and her siblings Parents' contrasting approaches to objects Impact of her mother's anxiety on household rules and behavior Clearing Out Parents' Home Harriet's responsibility in sorting through parental belongings Emotional impact of dealing with deceased person's possessions Reference to "Swedish Death Cleaning" Importance of considerate item management Therapy and Self-Reflection Harriet's 20 years of therapy and its impact The influence of therapy on personal happiness and self-awareness Learning to be less rigid in life Managing and Letting Go of Belongings Evaluating the necessity of keeping certain belongings Mindfulness and Mental Health Mindful self-compassion and ACT The filming of "Where Dragons Live" The dual charm and burden of the family home Personal Experiences and Family Impact…

That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

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#171 Hi Ren: How a song dramatically changed my approach to my inner critic 41:44

8 weeks ago41:44

41:44

That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

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REMIX: The Art of Letting Go: Navigating emotional clutter blocks with Tracy McCubbin 1:34:51

9 weeks ago1:34:51

1:34:51

That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

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REMIX: ADHD, depression, autism, OCD, OCPD and more: Things that look like hoarding but aren't, with Dr Jan Eppingstall 1:32:10

10 weeks ago1:32:10

1:32:10

That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

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#170 Impermanence: radical acceptance in a world of change with Dr Jan Eppingstall 1:02:32

11 weeks ago1:02:32

1:02:32

Get your 2025 decluttering inspo calendar: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/2025 Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ Exploring impermanence, this episode highlights how these concepts can help us understand hoarding behaviours and the illusion of control. Looking at impermanence also includes addressing mindfulness, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, coping with change, ambiguity and uncertainty. Yikes! Embracing Impermanence Psychological benefits of impermanence Concept of "glimmers" Interplay between mindfulness and impermanence Fernández-Campos paper on non-judgmental attention Critique of commercial distortion of mindfulness Jon Kabat-Zinn’s definition of mindfulness Practical mindfulness exercises Mindfulness in Hoarding Context Psychological dimensions and security from possessions Environmental Responsibility vs. Hoarding Personal insights on waste and possessions Uncertainty, Ambiguity, and Impermanence in Hoarding Tolerance of uncertainty and ambiguity Embracing impermanence to reduce distress Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Hoarding Psychological flexibility and acceptance of constant change ACT's promotion of resilience Use of ACT and Compassion Focused Therapy Radical Acceptance Steps to practice radical acceptance Awareness and curiosity toward challenges Vocalising Thoughts and Journaling Benefits of speaking thoughts aloud Buddhist Concepts and Impermanence Awareness and acceptance in Buddhism Tara Brach’s qualities of awareness Personal Reflections on Change and Relationships Resisting and coming to terms with change "Permission Slip" Segment Concept of Control and Suffering in Hoarding Desire for permanence leading to hoarding behaviour Justifications for Keeping Items Avoiding unnecessary consumption Ethical decision-making when buying Increasing Awareness and Understanding Personal Motivations Promoting curiosity through being without something…

That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

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#169 Compassion-focused therapy for grief and hoarding with Dr Chia-Ying Chou 43:30

12 weeks ago43:30

43:30

Get your 2025 decluttering inspiration calendar: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/2025 Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ In today's episode, I ask Dr Chia-Ying Chou about the complex interplay between grief and hoarding. We'll explore how emotions like grief can trigger hoarding behaviour, the role an inner critic plays, and learn all about compassion-focused therapy – including why it’s so much easier to offer compassion than to receive it. The timing is perfect, coinciding with National Grief Awareness Week in the UK. Grief and Hoarding Discussion Chia-Ying Chou discusses the non-direct link between grief and hoarding based on clinical experience. Factors such as resistance to grieving and avoiding vulnerability exacerbate hoarding. Grief can trigger hoarding behaviour to maintain a sense of control and avoid confronting loss. Host shares personal experiences of how grief intensified their hoarding behaviour. Grief and Possessions People keep deceased loved ones' belongings as a way to preserve their existence. Chou mentions the ambiguous preservation of loved ones through items. Anxiety and resistance to facing grief make organising or discarding possessions difficult. Complex Emotions in Grief Host reflects on the unexpected emotions in grief, like anger or impatience. Therapeutic Strategies for Grief and Hoarding Chou compares addressing resistance to grief to preparing for a challenging hike. Emphasis on resourcing, preparing mentally, and gathering support. Suggestions for a "baby-step" approach to facing fears and emotions. Inner Critic and Grief Host discusses journey with their inner critic and finding new approaches to handle it. Chou highlights how internal criticism is often related to grief and missed opportunities. Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) Integration of Western psychotherapy and Buddhist philosophy for addressing psychological challenges. Difficulty in receiving or directing compassion towards oneself. Connections Between Hoarding, Trauma, and Grief Patterns of loss, either tangible or intangible, among those who hoard. Episode ties with National Grief Awareness Week in the UK. Cultivating Compassionate Companions Idea of cultivating an imaginary compassionate companion for emotional support. Emphasis on emotions being a part of persona, not the true self. Emotions and Grief Management Pacing yourself. Chou recommends creating space for emotions to surface naturally. Encouragement to welcome emotions as a creative process in internal space. Examine fears and take small steps to engage with feelings.…

That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

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#168 Hoarding, healing, and the art of kintsugi with Dr Jan Eppingstall of Stuffology 48:14

13 weeks ago48:14

48:14

Get your 2025 decluttering inspiration calendar: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/2025 Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podcast-ep-168-hoarding-healing-and-the-art-of-kintsugi-with-dr-jan-eppingstall-of-stuffology/ Today, I'm with Dr Jan Eppingstall, a Melbourne-based counsellor, about the fascinating art of kintsugi and how it connects with hoarding and trauma recovery. We explore how this Japanese tradition of mending broken pottery with gold has lessons for us about the therapeutic journey and the beauty in imperfection. We also discuss how these concepts apply to overcoming perfectionism in hoarding and highlight the empowering process of creating, destroying, and rebuilding. Introduction to Kintsugi and Dr. Jan Eppingstall Explanation of kintsugi as a Japanese art form of repairing objects with gold. Kintsugi and the connection to recovery from trauma. Kintsugi as a Metaphor for Healing Importance of acknowledging the process of healing without oversimplification. Reference to Amy Price's article about kintsugi symbolising care and time. Discussion of Tomas Navarro's book and the importance of action in healing. Psychological and Therapeutic Implications Metaphor in therapy for expressing complex emotions. Application of kintsugi philosophy in mental health contexts, including trauma recovery. Relation to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), acceptance, and resilience. The real-life application of acceptance and self-compassion. Creation, Destruction, and Rebuilding Create, destroy and recreate art as part of personal healing. Parallel with kintsugi in wabi sabi / finding beauty in imperfection. Personal Empowerment and Resilience Empowerment through courage and resilience using scars as a metaphor. Resonance with Leonard Cohen Idea of imperfection as a means for transformation. Contrasts with Modern Consumerism Kintsugi and wabi sabi's focus on the beauty of imperfection and impermanence. Reference to Beth Kempton's book on creating serene, beautiful spaces. Addressing Perfectionism and Hoarding Application of kintsugi principles to address perfectionism in hoarding. Exploration of creating, destroying, and rebuilding as a therapeutic exercise. "Wreck This Journal" to overcome artistic perfectionism.…

That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

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#167 10 experiments to customise your dehoarding habits so they suit YOU 43:41

14 weeks ago43:41