Self Talk | Szn. 1 Ep.17

Pleasure Project: Sex and Relationships

In this episode Dr. Jenn talks about the dynamic of self talk and how it relates to s*x.

Self talk is that (often) incessant chatter that monitors your every thought and subsequent behavior. You might not be aware that you're doing it, but you almost certainly are. This inner voice combines conscious and unconscious--often automatic thoughts, beliefs and biases to create an internal monologue throughout the day. Now imagine how all of this hijacks your s*x life! Your desire struggles to happen amongst the peanut galley that is your self talk.

In in the episode, Dr. Jenn discusses four common negative cognitions that show up in self talk and derail your good time:

Personalizing - basically when “It’s not you, it’s me”. If something bad occurs, you automatically blame yourself. Examples: Our chemistry is off b/c I’m not their type or I don’t orgasm fast enough.

Filtering - you magnify negative and filter out positive parts of an interaction. Ex: The kissing was hot, but the sex was clumsy and felt mechanical.

Catastrophizing - you automatically expect the worst will happen. Ex: I’m going to look, act awkward or not be a good lover.

Polarizing - you see things only as either good or bad—black and white thinking. It’s the feeling that you have to be perfect or you're a total failure. Ex: I can’t let them see my stomach in any position that shows folding skin. Or, they bit me and I didn’t like it so it’s off.

There is no single, easy switch, but rather noticing and interrupting your go-to self talk.

Do you have interest in unpacking your own relationship to body or sexuality? Contact Dr. Jenn for therapy. There is also an upcoming⁠⁠⁠ Pleasure Circle⁠⁠⁠ offering. You can find out more or sign up at ⁠⁠⁠Pleasure Project⁠⁠⁠. 💋

If you’re feeling ready to join the conversation or have topics you want to hear more about, send Dr. Jenn Kennedy an email with questions and she may address it in a future ⁠⁠⁠Pleasure Project Blog⁠⁠⁠.

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