Esther Perel: How to Find, Build & Maintain Healthy Romantic Relationships

Huberman Lab

In this episode, my guest is Esther Perel, a world-renowned psychotherapist, relationship expert, and bestselling author. She explains healthy romantic relationship dynamics and how to achieve them. The answer includes curiosity not just about the other person but, more importantly, about who we can evolve into through healthy relating.

Esther explains the fundamental differences and challenges in relationships formed at different stages of life. We also discuss relationship conflict and how to give and receive a true apology.

Additionally, we discuss fidelity, breaches of trust, reviving relationships, and tools for understanding your needs regarding love and desire in a relationship. The episode will help listeners understand the key elements to find, build, and revive deeply satisfying romantic relationships.

Access the full show notes for this episode at hubermanlab.com.

Esther Perel's new Desire courses are launching tomorrow, September 17—use code HUBERMAN15 for 15% off any course through December.

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Timestamps

00:00:00 Esther Perel

00:02:03 Sponsors: David Protein, LMNT & Helix Sleep

00:06:33 Romantic Relationships, Change & Self

00:11:18 Cornerstone vs. Capstone Relationships, Age Differences

00:16:53 Young vs. Older Couples, Dynamic Relationships

00:20:13 Identity & Relationship Evolution

00:26:00 Curiosity, Reactivity

00:30:29 Sponsor: AG1

00:31:59 Polarization, Conflict; Coherence & Narratives

00:38:21 Apologies, Forgiveness, Shame, Self-Esteem

00:45:00 Relationship Conflict

00:53:48 Sponsor: Function

00:55:35 Verb States of Conflict; Emotion, Narratives vs. Reality

01:00:10 Time Domains & Hurt; Caretaker & Romantic Relationships

01:08:03 Couples Therapy; Language & Naming

01:20:15 Sexuality in Relationships

01:26:20 Tool: Love & Desire, Sexuality

01:31:28 Infidelity, “Aliveness”

01:35:17 Intimacy, Abandonment, Self-Preservation

01:41:26 Erotic Blueprints, Emotional Needs

01:49:42 Tool: Repair Work, Relationship Revival; Sincere Apologies

01:59:30 Tool: Relationship Readiness

02:03:33 Zero-Cost Support, YouTube, Spotify & Apple Follow & Reviews, Sponsors, YouTube Feedback, Protocols Book, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter

Disclaimer & Disclosures