Do you reward the minor improvements?

Dating Kinky

Do you reward the minor improvements?
Or, do you punish the lack of perfection?
I'll admit, I do both.
It's hard, sometimes, to recognize that things are getting better when they are frustrating AF, and maybe even something you take personally.
Luckily, I'm pretty good at rewarding the minor improvements after 22 years of being an enthusiastic amateur dog-trainer and competitor. I've trained myself into the mindset to look for the small wins.
But sometimes, it seems like the small wins don't come quickly enough, or the lack of perfection feels like a personal condemnation...
I'll give you two examples, where I did the wrong thing and the right thing in the past couple of months....
--
Example one: I did the wrong thing.
We were on a car ride to the mountains to camp with friends, and on car trips, we often take some time to dig deep into ideas that take a bit more fleshing out.
Relationship stuff, fantasies, etc.
And in that discussion, he hesitated about something I had just reassured him about. In fact, I had brought it up.
In the moment, I was hurt.
I was deeply hurt.
I was the one offering this thing, making it possible, loving him deeply—and he thought I didn't mean it.
OUCH.
And I admit, I took it that way, and said so. Which also caused hurt.
We got through it. Of course. We talked it out, and came through with a deeper and better understanding of each other.
But I did the wrong thing. I did harm. And I could have set us back in our communication. I could have (didn't, but could have) set us WAY back.
--
Example two: I did the right thing.
Similar situation.
Asked my partner an innocent question, with NO CLUE that it might lead to a sensitive subject. He wasn't ready.
He hesitated.
Enough that someone who was visiting at the time noticed the stutter-start.
Find the full transcript for this episode here. https://datingkinky.com/blog/behavior-modification/do-you-reward-the-minor-improvements/