Dealing with Negative Emotions // The Art of Living, Part 2

Christianityworks Official Podcast

Every hurt, every pain, every argument, every flash of anger every desire for revenge, the only way to defeat those things is with the steadfast love of the Lord our God.

I’M ANGRY

With all my heart I believe that you and I are created to live an extraordinary life, but one of the things that robs many people of that sort of life is negative emotions, and today on the program we’re going to chat about three of the most common ones – anger, the desire for revenge and fear. So let’s kick things off. Let me ask you, how much is your anger robbing you of your extraordinary life?

Anger is something different to annoyance. We can be annoyed by little things and some people sadly spend a lot of their life in the state of annoyance. It’s something you may have heard me talk about recently on this program. But anger is a much bigger thing.

Let’s imagine for a moment that someone says something nasty about you or someone consistently fails to meet your expectations of honesty and loyalty. Or someone speaks lies about you behind your back. There is every chance that those things are going to make you angry right? When is the last time that you were angry? Maybe you’re angry right now? Or it happened earlier today or just yesterday? With the way this world is, it’s probably not that long ago. Can you remember how you felt?

It comes on quite quickly doesn’t it? It kind of rises up within you. Sometimes we want to shout or hit out, sometimes we just want to glare the person down, above all things we want recompense an apology and sometimes even revenge. Anger is a complicated emotion. And so often when we experience anger we make stupid decisions; we say something or do something that destroys a relationship or hurts someone, sometimes ourselves and sometimes other people.

Ok, back to the last time that you were angry, can you still remember it? Then here is my question. How long were you angry at that particular person? Was it a minute or two before you calmed down? 5- 10 minutes perhaps? A half hour or an hour or all day? Overnight perhaps? A week, two weeks? Are you still angry with that person? I know a people who have been angry with each other for years and literally haven’t spoken to each other for all that time, because somehow they couldn’t let go of anger.

The fullest and most horrific conclusion to unbridled anger is of course murder, and murder, Jesus said, begins in our hearts. Anger is something that happens deep down in our hearts and unless we learn to control it we can end up doing some terribly destructive things in life. There are many people whose marriage, whose families, whose careers are laying on the scrap heap right now because they didn’t learn to control anger. I’m sure you probably know one or two people just like that. So, there are two aspects of anger that we’re going to chat about today – how quickly it happens, and how long it takes to get over it.

First of all, how quickly. Remember earlier I said that anger can rise up very quickly indeed, especially if that person has already made us angry before; especially if that person has hurt us in some way or has been dishonest in the past. I want to encourage you today to be someone who is slow to anger. This God I mentioned earlier, the one who sent Jesus His Son to pay for my sins and yours, well his Word the Bible says this about God’s anger. Psalms 103 verse 8:

The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

God gets angry but He’s slow to anger, because he’s abounding in steadfast love. Love is the key. Caring deeply for other people is the key. If we can become servant-hearted then we can show grace and mercy. I happen to believe that there is a God and that you and I are created by him in His image, and so it makes absolute sense that we should be like him, prepared to show mercy.

Can I ask you, when you do something stupid, something that with the wisdom of hindsight you knew was wrong, and we all do that don’t we? Would you like others to cut you some slack? To show you some mercy? To be gracious and forgive you? Of course you would, me to! And that’s how we should be; slow to anger and full of mercy and grace. When that’s how we live our lives we become angry fast less often, we accept the limitations that other people and we even compensate for them instead of getting angry with them.

And the second part of anger I’d like to chat about right now is how long we stay angry because that’s a huge issue. The quicker we get over it, the quicker we forgive, the quicker we move on, the less destructive our anger is going to be. So how does God handle it? Well let’s have a look at the very next verse in that same psalm in the Old Testament and what it says about God’s anger. Psalm 103 verses 9 and 10:

He will not always accuse, not will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor does he repay us according to our iniquities.

It other words, God gets over his anger, instead of hanging onto it and he doesn’t pay us back quickly. So, how do we minimise the damage that anger can course. Here it is again. Be slow to get angry and when we do forgive quickly. Not bad hey? And what is it that allows God to behave that way? Again it comes back to this one simple thing, the next few verses in that Psalm. Psalm 103, verse 11-17:

For as the heavens are high above the earth so great is his steadfast love towards those who fear him. As far as the east from the west so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion for his children, so the Lord has compassion for those who fear him.

For he knows how we’re made, he remembers that we’re just dust as for mortals their days are like grass. They flourish like a flower in the field for the wind passes over it and it’s gone and it’s place is known no more. But the steadfast love of the Lord is forever lasting to ever lasting on those who fear him.

And that one simple thing, his steadfast love his rock solid love, a love that goes on and on and on. Let me ask you, is that a love that you have experienced? If it is, imagine asking God to give you the power to show that kind of love to those around you. The sort of love that a good father has for his children. And if it isn’t a love that you’ve ever experienced, I want to encourage you today to go to God and ask him to show you that love, just a quick simple love. “God I heard about you today, I heard about your love today and I want some. Will you please pour that love out on me. In Jesus name.”

Every hurt, every pain, every argument, every flash of anger, every desire for revenge, every dark and evil thing that wants to grow in ou hearts and inflicts itself on those around us, the only way to defeat those things is with the steadfast love of our Lord our God. And when we experience that love poured out on our lives, when we live in that love, when we have our being in that love, it’s the power of His love that curbs our anger. When we experience the mercy of God it becomes so much easier to show mercy. When we lay hold of the power thing that happened on that cross 2000 years ago when Jesus bought anger and punishment that you and I deserve it is so much easier for us to suffer in order to forgive. It hurts sometimes to forgive. Be slow to anger and quick to forgive just like God and my friend the only place I’ve discovered the power to do that is in Jesus Christ. No where else.

I WANT REVENGE

We each have some people in our lives who have hurt us deeply. Sometimes they do something really, really bad like abusing you when you’re a child, or a wife or husband cheating on their spouse or a business man swindling you out of money. Other times it’s not that there’s any particular big or bad thing they’re done, it’s funny how the little things can really hurt as well.

One of my greatest memories of growing up as a child is that I was never really one of the ‘in’ kids. I was always different somehow. All the other boys were good at sport or running or jumping or football and cricket, and I wasn’t. Instead I came from a musical family. I was almost always at the top of my class, I was a keen learner but I couldn’t play sport for nuts. And in the sports mad nation of Australia as a kid growing up that was a big deal.

So the other kids would poke fun at me or pick on me. That affected my own view of myself, it affected what they call my self esteem. And it only got much worse when after finishing school I joined the military and that whole negativity was reinforced, so they don’t have to be big things.

I remember wanting to take revenge on the kids who made fun of me and picked on me, I’d plot sinister things in my mind. Whenever I hear about one of those high school massacres it brings back those dark and difficult days and I can still remember quite vividly my feelings of revenge. Of course I never seriously contemplated anything like a massacre but I have some small understanding of how the pressures of the other kids can cause someone to snap like that. It’s a terrible thing.

Many people spend much of their time thinking about revenge. Wars are about revenge. It doesn’t restore things, it doesn’t make things better. Revenge may appear logical, but it’s the worst thing we can do. The opposite of revenge is forgiveness. The opposite of revenge is reconciliation. One of the great marvels of the ending of the apartheid in South Africa was the leadership of Nelson Mandela who, having spent something like I think 27 years in prison, took on the presidency of that nation with a heart to seek healing instead of revenge. Jesus had this to say about revenge:

You’ve heard it said, and eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth but I say, don’t resist an evil doer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek turn the other one also and if anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give them your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go the second mile as well. Give to everyone who begs from you and don’t refuse anyone who wants to borrow money from you. (Mathews chapter 5:38-42)

So my first reaction to that when I first read it was that this was about being a weakling. What? I should just roll over? I should just be a door mat for people to walk over and wipe their feet on? But as the years have passed its more struck me that turning the other cheek is a huge act of courage. It takes a lot of strength to not lash out in revenge; it takes a huge amount of courage to refuse to take revenge. If someone offends you and you just want to say something harsh back to them, holding you tongue staying silent is really hard isn’t it?!

Letting injustice pass and simply forgiving it without having your say, without getting restitution, without at least taking a swipe back, is so difficult. And yet, as we see in Mandela’s case, as we see in Gandhi’s case in recent history, there is a greatness in choosing to break the cycle of revenge. There is a greatness in reconciliation, there is a greatness in being the person who says, “no I will not take revenge”. It takes courage, it takes character, it takes the ability to forgive. And that right there is maturity in greatness.

I wonder how different this world would be if you and I would learn to be people who turn the other cheek? How much less conflict would there be? It seems to me that turning the other cheek well it’s going to cost us something in the shot term but it’s the one thing that will break the cycle of abuse and revenge. When we refuse to strike back, it takes the wind out of your assailant’s sails. It turns the opinions of those around you against the person who’s doing wrong. It brings goodness into a difficult situation. We’re never going to overcome evil with evil are we? The only way to over come evil is with good because evil begets evil.

Let me encourage you, the next time you want to take revenge, try something different. Turn the other cheek you might just be surprised at the result. You know, words are cheep. It’s easy for Jesus to say these things but it’s another thing entirely to live them out. But you know, that is exactly what Jesus did. It isn’t just say things about turning the other cheek, he lived it! On that night that he was betrayed by one of his own to be crucified they came to arrest him in one of his favourite places, the garden of Gethsemane. And Peter one of his disciples, decided to draw his sword and cut off the ear of one the assailants. Luke chapter 22 verse 51:

But Jesus said, “No! No more of this” and he touched the ear of the man who had been struck and healed him.

And having done that, Jesus allowed them to arrest him. To falsely accuse him. To beat him. To humiliate him. To nail him to a cross. I mean he took this turn the other cheek thing to such an extreme that it cost him his life, his everything! And whilst at the same time it appeared to be the greatest defeat in all of history, the Son of God nailed to the cross it turned out to be the greatest victory of all. Revenge never wins, but turning the other cheek does. Forgiving does. Love always defeats evil and good always defeats evil and that’s what the apostle Paul wrote many years later:

Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thoughtful for what is noble in sight of all. If it’s possible so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with everyone. Beloved never avenge yourself but leave room for the wroth of God. For it is written Vengeance is mine and I will repay says the Lord. Now if your enemies are hungry feed them, if they’re thirsty give them something to drink. For by doing this you’ll be heaping burning coals on their heads. Do not be overcome by evil but over come evil with good. (Romans chapter 12:17-21)

So are you challenged by that? Yeah well me to! No it’s not always easy, it’s counter intuitive. But then in a world full of evil, goodness and righteousness so often are. I just want to encourage you today though the simple and powerful example of Jesus himself to have the courage to be different; the courage to turn the other cheek. I’ve taken revenge before in the past and its’ something I’ve always regretted, but turning the other cheek, even though it hurts at the time, is something I have never regretted doing. Ever.

I’M AFRAID

When was the last time that you were afraid? I’m not just talking about a little bit nervous; I’m not just talking about being a bit anxious about something; I’m talking serious fear – the sort of gut-wrenching debilitating fear that we all go through from time to time. When was the last time you felt that cold-bladed fear piece your heart?

I have no doubt whatsoever that you know exactly what I’m talking about. We’ve all been there in that place and I have no doubt that you can remember great fear in your life as though it was yesterday; the sort of fear that grips every cell of you body. Perhaps it was during the time when one of you children was gravely ill? Perhaps you travelled through divorce as many people have and you know the fear and the uncertainly of the future? The terrible thing about fear, aside from the how it makes you feel, is that it’s a totally debilitating emotion.

It does one of two things, it either causes us to lash out and do stupid things, things that aren’t in our best interest, things that are only going to make our situation worst instead of better. Or the other thing that fear does is that it makes us freeze. It’s as though we’re totally immobilised: incapable of thinking straight, incapable of taking any actions that will make things better and keep us safe. A bit like that rabbit on the road at night caught in the headlights of an on coming car. It freezes and unless it moves quickly it’s going to get run over.

Over the last little while on the program, we’ve been talking about how to live an extraordinary life in this series of messages that I’ve called, ‘The Art of Living’. See, my theory is this. We only have one crack at this life here on earth. We can either waste that life completely or we can live a mediocre life that never amounts to much, it never impacts others lives and that’s what most people seem to do, or we can live an extraordinary life. And part of living that extraordinary life is knowing how to get through fear, how to deal with fear and cope with fear because it doesn’t matter who you are, what your position or status is in life, you and I are going to experiences fear at some point.

Now I’m a very strong person emotionally, it’s just the way I’m wired. My personality type has some downside but one of my upsides is my strength. But still there are times when I’m afraid, and the only place where I’ve been able to deal effectively with fear, the only place where I’ve been able to discover the peace of God in the middle of the storm is in God himself.

Have a listen to what God has to say about fear to you and to me today. Isaiah chapter 41 verse 10:

Do no be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be afraid for I am your God, I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.

This God who sent Jesus His Son to suffer and die for you and for me is a God who loves us, a God who doesn’t want us to be afraid and the truly awesome thing about that is that we only really discover the power of his love and his faithfully to us is when we are afraid.

I have no idea where you are at in your life, it may be that you simply don’t believe in this God and okay, that’s completely your decision I’m not hear to ram anything down anyone’s throat. But what I’ve discovered in my experience is that it doesn’t matter how fearful I am, it doesn’t matter how overwhelming my circumstance are, this same God of whom I speak is prepared to step into our space, to walk with us, to be with us, to protect us, to provide for us. I don’t care what it is a tsunami a earthquake, God is right there in the middle of it with us. Psalm 46 beginning at verse 1:

God is our refuge and our strength a very present help in time of trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth should change, though the mountains should shake and fall into the ocean, though the water should roar and foam and though the mountains should tremble with the tumults. And it doesn’t matter which way you look at it, no matter what angle you come at that from hey that is great news, that is fantastic news an the only way to discover if it’s true or not is to try it the next time you’re afraid. To pray, to commit your situation into his hands and to wait on him to see what he is going to do. There is no other way to find out if it’s’ true.

Someone asked me recently, “But Berni is it the right thing for me to do in a sense to just assume that God wants to help me, to rely on God in this way? Isn’t that wrong to just expect God to just show up when I’m afraid maybe he wants me to be afraid? Maybe he’s too busy, maybe…I don’t know! Am I being presumptuous?” Ah I guess I can see where that person was coming from, they don’t want to seem presumptuous so is it right to depend on God in this way and my answer is just quietly….ABSOLUTLY IT IS! That’s exactly what God wants you to do. Have a listen to these few Scriptures; let God write them on your heart. Joshua chapter 1 verse 9:

I hereby command you, be strong and courageous do not be frightened or dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Psalm 23 verse 4:

Even though I walk though the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for you are with me.

Romans chapter 8 verse 15:

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear but you have received the spirit of the adoption as children by whom we cry Abba father!

Hebrews chapter 4 verse 16:

Therefore come boldly before the throne of grace so that you may receive mercy and grace right in the time of need.

Hebrews chapter 13 verse 6:

So we can say confidently the Lord is my helper, I will not fear what can man do to me?

2 Timothy chapter 1 verse 7:

For god hasn’t given you a spirit of fear, but of love and power and of a sound mind.

And my friend that’s just a handful of the scriptures that’s just a smattering of the many, many passages in God’s Word when He tells us, that He doesn’t want us to wimp about fear He wants us to boldly and confidently rely on him. He wants us to – listen to it again – boldly and confidently rely on him.

My friend when you are afraid I encourage you to turn to Jesus to cast all your fears and your cares on him and to trust in him and the peace of God which passes al understanding will guard and your mind in Christ Jesus.