#385 But I Don't Know Where To Start

Anxiety to Confidence - The Personal Development Unplugged Podcast

But I Don't Know Where To Start

We've all cried this at one time or another - Or is it just me?

And every reason I give seems so valid.

The harsh truth is every reason you give is an excuse or a whiney reason to get us out of doing the thing and in a lot of cases the thing could be just the thing you need to do to make your life GREAT.

So let's go make a difference and find out what stops you and what will make you start.

I'll share a couple of personal stories and even a way when you really don't know what step to take so there will never be an excuse or reason ever.

I hope this episode makes a real difference to your success, which is why I do this, and in that spirit please share this episode and the whole Personal Development Unplugged podcast:

https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/385-but-i-dont-know-where-to-start/

Shine brightly

Paul

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How to find the first step of anything you want to do

Hey, your heads up to I don't know where to start and you don't. And, maybe you do, but I bet you give all the blooming reasons and excuses why you can't. And this is the antidote to that. How to find that first step, the middle step, the last step of anything you want to do, because it'll be so important to you, so compelling, you'll be motivated the hell to do it. Okay, have a listen after this.

Paul Clough: Reasons why you can't do anything are simply excuses

Hey, friend.

The longer podcast.

And I, hear this from so many people, I even hear it from myself sometimes.

And it's that thing, I don't know where to start.

I know what I want to do.

Ish, but I can't start because I.

Don'T know where to start.

And even that, that is thought to.

Be a valid reason. I don't know where to start. So that's a valid reason. No, it's a bloody excuse because reasons why you can't do anything are, simply excuses.

It's a bit harsh, clothy. Yeah, but they are.

There's always something to blame, as it were.

There's always somebody blame so that more.

Clearly somebody to blame. Oh, I can't do that because they need my time. Well, I've got to do this. I've got to do that for them first. I've got to look after them first. I can't do it myself. Oh, the weather's in the way. Oh, the economy's in the way. Oh, there's every bloody excuse under the.

Sun in the way.

So what was a valid reason? Isn't. There is no such thing as a valid reason for. I don't know where to start. But the thing is, we also say.

Why?

Why me? It seems so right to ask, why me? Why can't I find this thing? Why has it always happened to me that I can't do this thing I want to do? Why are these people always in the way? Why are these things, I've got different responsibilities. Why have I got these excuses, basically. And the thing is, asking that why.

Question like that, why me?

Why is it always happening? Will give you a brilliant answer.

It'd be false, by the way, but.

It'D be a brilliant answer because it'll be one of your limiting beliefs. Well, because I've got to do this or I can't do that. It's all bullshit. I remember years and years and years and years ago on my, I think it was the second week of my hypnotherapy training and we were learning something called the meta model, which I later found out was, even goes into even more detail when I did my NLP work, the meta model. And it's really a way of getting specific about an issue. So to clear away those excuses, those reasons, and find out what's below the surface. And the thing is, if we were.

To ask why in, because what would.

Happen is we would go away to do an exercise and talk to somebody. And in that talking we would look to go beneath the surface of whatever they said. And sometimes it got so interesting, you just go, oh, why did you do that?

Boom.

you were fined. You were fined at that time, 20 p. It wasn't a lot of money, but it was 20 p. But it stuck. It was like an anchor, it was like a pattern interrupt.

It suddenly stopped you because you would.

Then go, oh. It's because I think this a belief. Whereas a meta model to go beneath the surface would ask questions like, well, how do you want to be? How would you like to feel? What resources do you have? Who do you know?

Where would you like to be in so much time?

How long do you want to be doing this? How much time have you got? What are the real restrictions to that time? What do you know? What don't you know? Do you know? Somebody who knows this has done it before. Now they're real good questions because you start to go below the surface to find out information, to find out the facts. You want to try it, keep asking yourself those questions as you write the answer.

Yeah, write the answers down, but just.

Put how, what, who, where? And cross out a big capital w h y.

Because we don't know why, not yet.

That's going to come in a short while. You see, I think this is so important, so important because it removes the excuses. And those excuses stop us taking action and they'll probably put thoughts in your head to stop it, to stop taking that action.

Even questions like how do you know you can't do it make you think

And we want positive thoughts from these questions. How, what, who, where. Even questions like how do you know you can't do it?

Now that makes you think, doesn't it?

Well, how do I really know? It makes you go to the data, makes you go to the real facts.

Makes you become honest with yourself.

And you certainly know if you're dishonest with yourself or if you tell yourself a little fib, you say, oh, well, how do I know it's because, oh, no, no, no, I'm telling a fiber. That's another excuse. That's another reason. Cloughy told me about that. Here's my 20 p. And in fact, you're fine. You're fine today. Just thought about this. If you ask yourself the question why?

Or you answer a question why you have to share this podcast to two people. There you go.

Not 20, not 20 p for 20 people. But that's a UK money, by the way, sterling. But you have to pass this information forward. Share it forward.

There you go.

Pay it forward. Literally, pay it forward. And you see, what happens sometimes is we all fall for this. We all fall for making excuses, making reasons which we think and feel so.

Valid at the time.

I mean, I've fallen for this so many times, too. And then I catch myself because I, I find it's a little bit, maybe a self pity moment.

Oh, poor me, poor me.

I can't do it because of this, this and this.

Poor, poor Cluffy.

And then I have to kick myself up the ass and go, what are you doing? You know better than this. Let's look at it again. Where do you want to go?

Where are you now?

What do you know? what do you know about the subject now? What do you need to know to get where you want to go? What would you need to do?

And we're going to come to that.

Who do you know, Cluffy? Who do you know has done it before? What are your resources you could find? What time have I got available? Real time. And, as soon as I get into that mode, that self pity, poor clothy mode disappears.

Really does.

You're going to try it.

It really does. And the thing is, the wonderful reframe.

Of this is if you go.

So I don't know where to go.

I don't know where to start. Or if I was to ask you. Okay, so you don't know where to start. The answer to that is, good.

Good.

That's a jocko willink.

Good.

Because you get to do it one, for yourself to find out this, that is really empowering because it's bringing you back to. Cause you're going to create the effect, you're going to create the steps along the way. You're going to get this result, this success, and it's going to build confidence.

Competence, everything, because you're starting new.

It's like a beginner's mindset starting anew, but beginner's mindset with a lot of resources in your little toolbox in your.

Back, backpack, something like that.

But anyway, does anybody carry a toolbox on their back? Who knows? But it's clean. And you see, once you get this in your head, this is me, this is good. I get to do this. And I don't know the first step yet, and that's a big thing. Yet.

Ask yourself why is this particular thing I want to do

Why e yet there's a why there? Because that's when we start to ask about the why. But it's not, why can't I? It's why is this important to me? And again, you have to get your paper and pen, your puzzle book, anything you like, because as you ask this, they're great to put them on sticky.

Pads as well, but just write them down.

Just ask yourself, why is this particular thing I want to do?

And I don't know the steps for.

Why is it important to be able to do that? Why is it important to me, not to other people, by you. Because you say, oh, it make a difference to the company, it will make a difference to my family. No, why will it make. Why is it important to you?

Because at the end of the day, if it's not important to you, you're.

Not going to do it. So you need to ensure that it's compelling. You're curious, you're excited, because if it doesn't make you. And you don't have to be super excited, super compelling.

But, it has to be important.

To you because maybe at the moment you think, well, I'm not really a hundred percent sure why it's important to me, but these are the things I'm.

Getting right now, you know, what will.

It allow me to do? What will that important thing allow me to do? And you see, if it isn't compelling to you, if it isn't important, my advice to you is, don't do it.

What?

Don't do it? Yeah, don't do it. Don't waste your time, because probably, if it's not important to you, you'll take a few steps, you'll waste some time.

Doing it, and then you'll shelve it.

With the wonderful reasons, excuses why you did it. And it wasn't your fault. Well, it was your not a fault, but you chose, you chose to do something that wasn't of interest to you, wasn't important to you, wasn't compelling. Now, what would you say to your.

Best friend if they were saying, I.

Want to do this, and it's not really of interest to me. I don't think it's going to do me that good. It's not really important.

You would tell them, oh, sh, don't do it.

What else do you want? So then you'd ask yourself the question, so what's more important to me? What else is even more important? And then you get to start that one anew. Isn't that awesome? And again, rather, don't just do the.

One, why it's important to me.

Why is this important to me? Do three, four, five. Because the first one comes out generally, it's the one that you've been thinking about forever. And it's the, one probably you hadn't really thought about, but it's the thing you think it ought to be. But as you keep asking that question, why? Why else? Why else is this important to me? You'll get another reason. Not another reason. You'll get another result of the importance or the value. That's it. This is the value. You'll understand the value, because anything of importance to you is one of your values.

It'll be valuable to you. And anything that you value, then.

You'Re going to take steps to get.

It, to achieve it.

And it's when you get to about the third or the fourth or the fifth, you suddenly start realizing these are, unconscious answers. Say that again. Unconscious answers. Answers coming from your unconscious mind that was just out of reach from your conscious mind. But now you've opened it up because you've taken out the ones which are just there in your conscious mind. And in the way now you can get unconscious answers. And when you look at them and.

Go, hey, I didn't realize that.

Now that is important to me and that will allow me to do this and even that will attract that and this will do that and I'll grow and I'll do.

And all of a sudden you are.

Motivated and generally you're motivated to take the biggest bloody jump in the world. Oh, now I'm going to do this. Whoa, hang on.

Just wait a minute. Keep the feeling, if you want to.

You can anchor it, anchor that feeling of how motivated you are by just squeezing any one of your fingers and thumb together as you feel that feeling and squeeze it.

Oh, yeah.

Because that will remember any unique touch to your body. You might even go, yes, this is.

It for this particular one.

And then you have to go, well.

Okay, now the how.

Now the what?

Find the why of your value. Because the hows always come after you find the why

Because the hows always come after you find the why. The why of your value. Whats important to you because it will stimulate your neural pathways, your reticular activating system. Youll start to focus on this thing thats really important to you. So I don't want you to start thinking because this is the first thing we tend to do.

Ah, I know what the first step is.

I'm going to do this, this and that.

And sometimes we can, we can be.

Lucky, be lucky finding those steps.

But also, normally they're too big, they're.

Too large, a step too much to do in too short a time, and we get demoralized, we get overwhelmed, and again, we shelve it. And it's such a shame because we, we could have been on just the right thing for us. It's going to make just the, the difference because it's so important to us.

What is the final step that confirms you've achieved your goal

So before we start working on the, how, we want to know, well, what.

What are we going to achieve? What is that final thing that I want to have happened when I've achieved this goal? What would be that final step? The step that, says to me and confirms to me, m, I've got.

It, I've done it.

Now I know there'll be more steps after that because you'll get more goals, more places to focus on, more steps that you want to take to achieve other things. But just for this particular one, you think, well, if I was doing this.

That would prove to me that I've.

Got this goal, that I've achieved what I set out to achieve. And just make sure that it is the final step. Make sure that it is without doubt.

Proof that you're there.

Nothing else would have got in the way. It's got to be so specific. This is the one step that when.

I take it would mean, yay, I'm doing it. So think about that for a little while.

Make a picture of it in your mind. Notice what it feels like to take that final step. notice the feeling of taking that final step, achieving the thing you set out to achieve.

It's damn close to that feeling that you found out from your value that.

What'S important, what's so compelling, what's so motivating about this? You'll find that feeling, that emotion is.

So close, if not the same, might.

Be stronger, might be just a little bit behind. It doesn't matter because you're linked together now, the value and the final step, the achievement. Your unconscious mind understands where we're going.

Not only the direction we're going, but.

Where we want to go specifically. And as you see it in your mind's eye, so that, again, cluffy as you see it in your mind's eye, because this is important. As you see it in your mind's eye, you're visualizing it. You can step into that visualization, look through your own eyes, see what you'll see, hear what you'll hear and feel. Those feelings have taken that final step to know that you have arrived. And it's like having the goal now in the present. We always say, set the goal as if you've already achieved it, as if it's in the present.

Well, this is how I like to do it.

I like to imagine what that final step would be. What would it feel like? What would I see? What would I hear?

Who would the people be around me? What have I learned?

What if I think about the future? What more opportunities are available to me now? Now I'm taking this final step. And when you get that, you've got an immense feeling. You go into the kinesthetics of this and notice what it truly feels like to achieve this thing that you set out to achieve. And it was so important at the beginning, and it's now even more important.

You can anchor that feeling and put.

On the same anchor as well.

Double it, stack it.

I've got a, I'm sure somewhere, if I haven't, I'll get it out. There's an episode on how to Anchor. Just have a search for anchoring. And I, know, I'm sure, there may be one in the free hypnosis too. The free hypnosis and NLP processes. I do paulcluffonline.com forward slash podcast. Go there and you'll get an email from me and you'll get access, your own personal access to all those processes. And I'm sure if you go down there and I'm going to check this out, it's most unprofessional, of me, but I know it's there.

How to anchor. So there you go.

and if I haven't, I'm going to come back with another five minute quickie to show you where it is. But at the moment, you just do that and you see now you've got the feeling, the feeling of the wish fulfilled.

That's what we call it, the feeling.

Of the wish fulfilled. Now when you have that feeling and you know exactly this last step and you know because of that feeling, it is exactly, Yeah, it's exactly what you want. It might be even better than you wanted, but least, the very least, you know this is what you want. And you'll also know it's something if it was something you didn't want, because if you didn't want it, then, you.

Know, to change it again.

We haven't taken a step towards this yet, but we've been getting the steps together. So now, you know the final step, you know that feeling, you know, the wish fulfilled, the feeling of the wish fulfilled. And, you know, it's something that you, that is now really, really important. And your unconscious mind realizes this is really, really, really important to you. So your conscious mind now has set the goal. Your conscious mind is a goal setter.

The unconscious mind is a goal getter and now we're in place to find the steps

The unconscious mind is a goal getter, and now we're in place to find the steps. And I've even done this on, I think a two parter, longer podcast.

About goal getting, your goal setting and things like that.

So have a look for that as well, because this is part of it. But this is, this will get you there. So as you hold that big picture in mind, the big picture, which is that last step, the final feeling, and you go, what is the smallest step I could do today towards that goal? The smaller step. Because if you do the smaller step, you'll do the next smaller step, and the next one after that and the next one after that. If you take too big a jump.

You just get overwhelmed and you'll give.

Up, and I don't want you to do that. So think of the smaller step. And then when you find that smaller step, just ask yourself, is there a smaller one? And hold the feeling of the wish.

Fulfilled as you're thinking that. And then you can start to plan.

It out, create that, plan. Things you're going to do that day.

That week, maybe in a month, and at the end of the week, you'll.

Be able to review it. Am I on the right way?

The right trajectory? Trajectory in the right path.

That's a better way of putting it. Clavy. Am I on the right path? Am I still in line to get that goal? Because if you need to be flexible and change it, think about that.

Have awareness, awareness of where you are with every step

Five keys to success. That's also another, another, episode I've done, the five keys to success. Know your outcome. Take massive, intuitive, constant action. Notice. Have awareness, awareness of where you are with every step to making sure you're on the right path. And if you're not, and if an obstacle comes away that comes in front of you that you didn't foresee, have, flexibility. The fourth step, the flexibility to find other resources, to take different steps, different actions. And the fifth step is with the mindset and the physiology of excellence.

Put them all together, boom, and you're.

Off then making these lovely small steps that you, when you look back, those smaller steps will get bigger day by day. As you get more confident, you get more competent.

And as you look back and review.

On a weekly, monthly basis, you'll see how close you're getting to that final step. And each time you make, you make plans to do the next step, keeping that big picture in mind. That final step, what is the next smallest step? It's always smaller steps. And you'll be amazed that those smaller.

Steps will actually grow bigger because of.

Your competence, because of your confidence. And then once you start this, you're going to say, well, what else can I do? If I can do this, I can do anything. I've got a plan. I've got a process. And even if you did not know, you see, here's the thing.

You might do all of this, all of it, and you're going to then.

Say, I still don't know what the right step is.

And then you could say, okay, if.

You don't, you've done, if you've done all this work, to ask yourself those metamodel questions, get specific to understand the value, the importance. Then you've looked at the final outcome, that feeling of the wish fulfilled. You started to create a plan, but you're not quite sure the first step. You've got it so much inside you, you can make do any bloody step.

Do anything towards that goal.

Because if it doesn't matter, it really doesn't matter, because if you're reviewing your progress, you'll go, oh, actually, that's.

I've got to change this slightly.

But because you've got you and your unconscious mind on board, it will start.

Setting your intention every step of the way is key to success

To move a little story.

I am an options person. I love options. And sometimes options overwhelm me. And, when I was in, like, a previous life, working with my best mate at that time, Mike, we had this construction business, and he used to say, we've got this issue, Paul, do.

You want to have a little think about it?

And I'd go away and I'd do.

Option a, b, three, four, and e.

I couldn't think of what that one was. And I'd write them all down on a piece of paper, each one separately, and I'd get them all nice and.

Neat, and then I go, Mike, I.

Think I know the answer ish. I'll come and meet you and we'll have a quick chat about it. So we, we would restate the problem, notice where we want to go. And then he'd say, what have you come up with Cluffy and I'd show him all these. And he goes, well, I don't want to look at them.

I go, Mike, I just spent a.

Bloody day going through all of this, all these bloody options. And he said, which one do you think is right? Well, I said, I think probably three or c, whichever it is, I think that's the one. Because it allows for mitigation of the other bits and things like do it.

Then I said, well, say it doesn't work.

I said, well, more.

Change our, steps.

And it's exactly what I've been saying. But I was doing that with Mike, and Mike was doing it with me before I even knew this bloody stuff.

Isn't it great?

And we also, always, always got to the solution we wanted eventually, sometimes.

Really quickly, sometimes it took a little bit longer.

And I think, you know, I said, why? This is important because you're taking action. Action in your thoughts, action in your physical body. You're taking all the. You're thinking about it, you're doing it, you're creating a plan, you're scheduling, you're reviewing, you're going to get there, you're going to find so much success, and it's going to become a habit, it's going to become those neural pathways firing and wiring together that you'll remember this type of process and you'll start to do it more naturally. But you've always got this to come back to. You've always got those processes in the 65 free odd, NLP and hypnosis.

Stuff I give you, and I want.

To give it to you, by the way.

You can download them.

But the thing is, the real message, I guess, to this is all you have to do is trust. Trust in yourself to do the right thing. You will find the right step. Sometimes it's not the first time, but you will find the right step because you're setting your intention of where you want to go and why it's important to you. And that's like the intention, the final step, that visualization, that's the intention. Because you're telling your unconscious mind, this is what I expect, this is what I desire.

That's all.

That's setting your intention every step of the way, which is the most important, number one thing to do. And you're also getting rid of those bloody excuses. And then you'll start to catch yourself and you start to say, whoa, you'll go like me. Hang on, Cloughy. That's B's. Let's kick that out.

Let's start again.

And if you want to, just as a little reminder, you can sometimes go back to your old past successes and.

Go, yeah, that's what we did.

That's a resource. So I've got some learnings from that may not be quite the right, same.

Thing to do, but you're coming from.

A place of success, resources, even if you go, well, I knew that didn't work because there's no failures, any feedback. I remember when I, think about doing that, it didn't work last time, so will it really work this time? Can I mitigate it? Because I think it's sort of the right thing to do.

So many things you could do.

Now, if you want more help with this, so if you've got a project or something, you desire, a dream, a goal, and you go, well, I get it, cluffy, but I still need.

A bit of help because maybe, maybe.

Maybe, maybe you're getting this emotion, slight negative emotion of doubt maybe, or of I don't deserve this, or I'm not good enough, or they'll find me out. My imposter syndrome suddenly bursts out.

Let me know because I can then.

Link that context to that limiting belief or negative emotion, and we'll come up with a process for it, a longer podcast.

It'll be awesome.

So please do let me know. It's feedbackersonaldevelopmentunplug.com.

That's email address do that only comes to me.

I'm the only bugger here. And I will reply to you personally and we'll get it on.

and if we do do a.

Longer episode, as we've done with other readers requests, readers requests, listeners requests, it's.

All anonymous, no names, no pact rule.

If that sort of thing. But anyway, no names, anonymous, truly anonymous, and we'll have a great time doing it, and you'll get a result, and.

Other people will learn as well.

And if you have got it, or you think you've got this process, explain it to somebody else. It's a great way of sharing what you know.

But also when you share it audibly.

Verbally, you find if there's any gaps in there, say you write, the other way to do it is write it out again as if you were explaining to somebody without those notes. Can you explain the process? And if there's any gaps, you go.

Ah, okay, I know 90% of it.

What's that 10% I just need. And that's a great way to really reinforce those, the memory, the synaptic gaps, all that stuff. You will get much better, deeper, long term memory of that. And the process will start to become.

A habit the more you do it.

Awesome. So remember, if you ever ask yourself.

Why me or why not? Or why I can't, you owe me two sharings of the podcast to your best friends. Okay.

Every little thing you do is like an aim in mind

Until the next time, my friend. I hope this has made perfect sense. I hope you're going to just dive in and do it. Feel motivated to find out that why the real. Why the real value of doing the things that you do. Because this can apply to every bloody thing. It doesn't have to be the biggest thing in the world. Every little thing you do is like an aim in mind.

So it's a goal, something that you desire.

And once you get good at this, you'll just start to do it. You'll look back and go, oh, I did that without even thinking becomes an unconscious habit.

That's what habits are.

Okay. Have more fun than you can stand. Share the hell out of this.

Press that subscribe button and get in touch with me. Share your feedback with me. I'd love it.

So have more fun than you stand. My voice is done to go, so go fly, my friend. And if you want to know a little bit more about the podcast, if you're new here, I stick an explanation at the end.

Don't waste time at the beginning.

Okay?

So have fun, and, I'll see you and speak with you next time.

This is the personal development unplugged podcast where we use hypnosis

Warning. You are now leaving the unplugged mind of Paul clough. It's time to fly on your own. Be brave, my friend.

Personal development unplugged.

Hey, this is the personal development unplugged podcast where we use hypnosis. Yeah, hypnosis, NLP, neuro linguistic programming. Don't worry what it is. It's just a mass of processes that we're going to get you to change. Change to let go of anxiety, low self esteem, and create massive, massive, supreme inner confidence. But that's confidence in your competence, and competence in your confidence, which means you can do anything and be well, be safe to enjoy, enjoy the world as it should be with you at, the helm, creating the life that you want. Thats what this podcast is about. You and being the best you, you could be singing from your real voice, aligned with your mission, aligned with your passions. Thats what its about. So if youre interested in letting go of anxiety, if youre interested in letting go of fear, guilt, all those blooming syndromes, imposter syndromes, and every little bit of the mind, which is negative. Then have a listen here. Because we've got some wonderful processes and lots of good conversations with between you and me to get us both thinking in such wonderful ways. I'm sure you'll enjoy it. Just take the trance to have a. Have a listen.

Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]