I used to think that being a good dad was all about managing the chaos. Providing, being a good husband, feeding the dogs, volunteering at school, and making sure the homework gets done. And, if you can do all that in a nice suburban neighborhood, you're probably really doing well. I checked these boxes on most days and figured I was doing alright.
Then, on Nov. 1, 2015, my daughter Galia said "Dad, my leg hurts." I thought it was nothing; it turns out it was something. Acute Myeloid Leukemia – and a diagnosis that was 90% of the worst one you could possibly draw up for her disease type. Eleven months to the day and a bone marrow transplant later, she was gone, just shy of her 9th birthday.
The first three years without Galia were a messy affair. But as a family and as individuals we eventually found our form. It's a different form, nothing like the past. We can't and won't be the same, and we've learned to say, "that's a good thing."
If we let it, I think grief can make us better people – especially men, if we're willing to be honest with ourselves and stare down the pain. I talk more about my experiences and learnings on this podcast, but if you're a fellow father who has lost a child, I'd love to hear if some grief learnings stir inside you, too.
All the Best,
Brian
PS: Parental Advisory: This stuff gets heavy. Sometimes bad words happen.