383 Magic Happens in the Unknown

The Art of Living Big | Subconscious | NLP | Mindset

On todays episode Betsy shares some ways of thinking through the “magical in between” so you can have new ideas, feel satisfied and notice all the ways life is working for you.

Transcript:

Betsy [00:00:05]:
Welcome to the Art of Living Big podcast. My name is Betsy Pake. I’m an author, a speaker, and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now let’s go live Big. Hello, everyone. Welcome.

Betsy [00:00:34]:
Welcome to the Art of Living Big. If you have been here for a long time, hi. It’s good to see you. I hope things are going well. If you’re new here, I’m excited that you’re here with us, so. Okay, so I have a couple things to talk about today. A couple things are just random things that I wanted to tell you. Okay.

Betsy [00:00:53]:
One. One of those is about two months ago, two months ago, maybe three months ago, I needed a new mattress. I kept finding I was waking up and, like, my back was so out of whack, I had to go to the chiropractor. And after, like, the third week in a row of going to the chiropractor, I was like, this is not normal for me. I’m not, like, a person that typically has to go to the chiropractor. And I realized that my bed, you know, when your mattress just gets shot. And I felt like I was hanging on for dear life. Like, I had fallen into, like, a middle.

Betsy [00:01:29]:
And in the middle of the night, I woke up one night, like, gripping the side of the bed, like, so that I didn’t fall into the hole. And I was like, oh, my God, my mattress is dead. And it is hard to figure out what mattress to get. I know that sounds dumb. As soon as I said that, it’s hard. It. It can be hard. It’s hard because so many of the things you buy online and they say that they’ll deliver them and then come pick them up if you don’t like them.

Betsy [00:01:56]:
I don’t know. That just feels, like, a lot and kind of scary. But also, I don’t think you can just go to a store and lay on a mattress and be like, oh, this is the thing. Like, you gotta sleep on it. Right? So I asked one of my girlfriends, and she said, oh, I have a purple mattress. Do you guys know that? Have you seen the purple mattress? It always seemed really hokey to me, like a gimmick. You know what I mean? But she said, oh, my God, I love my purple mattress. In fact, I love it so much, I bought it for all three of my kids.

Betsy [00:02:25]:
So then I Was like, you did? And she was like, yeah. And when I go away on vacation, I always, even if it’s like the most comfortable hotel bed, I always miss my bed. So then I was like, what? I give me a purple bed. I bought a purple bed. She told me, give it a couple weeks because it takes a couple weeks to get used to it. No, no. Like, the first night I was like, this is the most amazing bed I’ve ever had. It.

Betsy [00:02:56]:
It. It’s amazing. I didn’t buy the most expensive one and I didn’t buy the cheapest one. I bought the one right in the middle. So I’m telling you that I just bought like the plain old purple bed, but not like the minimalist purple bed. And it is so good. It is like these little grids. The mattress is like, I don’t know, it’s like these little grids and you can almost feel them.

Betsy [00:03:21]:
When you lay in bed and you, like, rub your feet against the mattress, you can almost feel the grid. Which, I know it probably doesn’t sound like a good thing, but I don’t know, there’s something magical about it. I did go out of town last month. Remember, I went to California. And I. When I was there, I thought this mattress, although the mattress was really good and I slept fine, I kept thinking, this isn’t like the purple mattress. So I wanted to share that because I think it can be really hard to, like, find a mattress. And anytime I know in the past when my mattress has, you know, cropped the bed, I’m like, oh, no, I gotta figure this out.

Betsy [00:03:58]:
But purple mattress is the way to go. Okay, so now my next. I’m really not being paid for any of this. I probably should be. Okay. So my next thing is I get those ads for olive and June nail polish. Do you get these on Instagram? Like, I get the ads for the Olive and June nail polish. And I’ve seen it before at tar.

Betsy [00:04:19]:
I just, I, you know, I have known about this nail polish for a long time, and I’m just not into it. I go through phases where I don’t go get my nails done for years. Literally, I’ll do them myself. And that’s like a whole thing that I really like doing. And then I’ll go through a phase where I want to go get them done. And I am just coming out of that phase. It was like a six month phase where I wanted to go get them done. And then, you know, it, it rolls over into this like, like feeling.

Betsy [00:04:47]:
I like, it’s A burden. Like, I just want to be able to drop my hands off and pick them up later. Like, so I needed to just get back to doing my own nails. So I started seeing these ads again, right, for this olive and June nail polish. Now, I guess the thing that makes it good is that it supposedly lasts as long as gel. So I’m kind of down for that. And then I went to this event in California, my mastermind. And when I was there, one of the women in my mastermind had like the prettiest nail color on.

Betsy [00:05:18]:
It was sort of purple. It was called Raisin. I like raisins. It was called. And I was like that. I like, I kept looking at her nails, like the whole time. Like every time she’d be talking, I’d be like that. I don’t know, something about her nails look really good.

Betsy [00:05:32]:
So I said, your nails look really good. And she said, oh, it’s that olive and June nail polish. So that. So now I’m like, like, I’m listening, right? I’m like, oh, what color is it? She tells me the color, it’s that raisin color. And I’m like, it looks so good. She’s like, I. It’s weird because I don’t usually do my nails, but this polish stays on forever. That’s all I needed to hear.

Betsy [00:05:54]:
That’s it. That’s all I needed to hear. Next time I saw the ad, I was like, I’m going to get that. So I bought like their little set so it comes with like the top coat and nail file, you know, the oil, stuff like that. But it comes with six polishes. And so I got the polish and I got the long lasting. So they have a gel version. But I didn’t want to stick my hand under the light and do all that.

Betsy [00:06:19]:
I wanted just polish, polish that I could take off with a regular nail polish remover. So I got this polish. I got like a couple reds, like a deep red and a brighter red and that raisin color and a blue and a green color I got. It’s called something like it’s. No, it’s green. No, this is green. Don’t get that color. That’s the only color I didn’t like.

Betsy [00:06:44]:
But maybe I need to do more coats. But it’s so pretty and it lasts forever. So it just stays on forever. So I wanted to share that when I did it. They’ll have coupons. Like every time I’ve seen the ad, they have like a coupon so you can get it cheaper. But I think it was a really good deal for everything that I got and how long it lasts. So the colors I got were really deep, like fall kind of winter colors.

Betsy [00:07:11]:
But, yeah, it would be a really good gift, I think, too. So sharing that, those are my two things. Get the purple bed. Get the olive and June polish. All right. So while I’ve been recording, I got a message from my kid. She was like, I got my Spotify wrapped. So, you know, I had to hear.

Betsy [00:07:28]:
I had to pause and go listen. And then I was like, who’s on my Spotify wrapped? I don’t even have to tell you, if you’ve been here for a little while, we already know it’s Taylor Swift, every single thing. Except this year. Because always it’s like my top five songs are Taylor Swift songs. I don’t know. I’m nothing if not consistent, I guess. So it’s always Taylor Swift’s my top person. And then all the songs are Taylor Swift.

Betsy [00:07:52]:
But this time I had Chapel Roan on there. That Pink Pony Club was like my most streamed song. Apparently. I was really digging that back in September quite a bit. So anyway, the Spotify wrapped is always fun, but once again, I’m. I’m a swifty over fifty and it is. It is shown in my Spotify wrapped. Ah.

Betsy [00:08:14]:
All right. So I want to talk to you a little bit today about the in between. You know, I mentioned over the last couple episodes that we decided to put our house on the market and it’s not selling. In fact, I haven’t had a showing in two weeks. They lowered the price, so I think it will things. The tide will turn, things will change. But that was a frustrating time to be in. You want something, right? It’s this moment where you want something that you’re not getting and you’re doing all the things you know how to do.

Betsy [00:08:54]:
And the truth is, the realtor is the expert, so I’m leaning on her to say, what’s next? What do we do different? And there’s this moment of how do I show up in this space? And, you know, I think it can be selling your house. I think it can be a million different things where there is this, like, in between. Like, I’m not quite where I want to be, and I’m not where I was, but I’m sort of in the middle and how do I want to show up in the middle? And so I want to talk about that just a little bit. One of the things that I decided early on. So I say early on two weeks ago, Two weeks ago. But early on in this process, when I got back from California and we had, like, two showings that weekend I got back, and then that’s been it. So maybe it’s even been three weeks. It’ll be going on three weeks this weekend.

Betsy [00:09:55]:
So I haven’t had any showings. But also, like, trying to keep the house really clean and trying to, like, keep it all put, everything put away so that if someone does want to see it, it’s ready to go. And so in all of that, there is an opportunity to get really frustrated, and there’s an opportunity to get really mad, and there’s an opportunity to think like, this is just never going to work. And I have done all of those things. I’m not coming to you here saying, and I didn’t do those. Oh, no, I did those. But what I realized really quickly was that that wasn’t doing anything to move the needle, right? Like, me getting mad wasn’t doing anything. Me getting impatient wasn’t doing anything.

Betsy [00:10:42]:
So there was something here for me to learn. And so what I decided for me was there is this space, and this space is here to give me something, and I need to learn everything that I can and figure out what my lessons are in this so that when the next thing comes, I will be ready. And so I wanted to offer you that thought because I think there are times where we can get really impatient with what is. But the key. The key to all of this. This. I say this, like, air quotes. This, this life, this struggle, right? This challenge, anytime we’re in that, there is an opportunity to practice.

Betsy [00:11:33]:
To practice releasing and accepting what is. And what was was that nobody was looking at the house. Now I’m all for, like, what are the strategic things we need to do to move the needle forward. And I agree with all of that. But I don’t think you find the thing to move the needle from a place of being angry and frustrated and unhappy. I think the only place that you find the strategic levers that are really going to push the buttons you need pushed is from a place of acceptance and peace and recognizing that there’s lessons to learn and being open. Because when we get frustrated and we get really uncomfortable with things, we close down, right? We constrict, and when we constrict, we’re not open to any other energy. You know, one of the things I always say to the ladies in the navigate method is there’s a couple things that we have to do, right? We’ve got to be practicing every day.

Betsy [00:12:40]:
So we can’t just come to group and be in group or just do the curriculum and listen to the curriculum and then never implement. Right. So all of our curriculum is designed to have things to implement because you have to be practicing that every day. And I feel like this experience, like, you know, change doesn’t happen in group. Change doesn’t happen on the yoga mat. It happens in the times where there’s a struggle. Right. That’s the chance that you get to practice.

Betsy [00:13:10]:
So I think, number one, you’ve got to have practice. You’ve got to be doing the things that lead you to who you want to be. And so this was giving me an opportunity to practice, and so I could just appreciate that. The number two thing is we’ve got to really focus on where we’re going. I think there’s great value in acknowledging where you’ve been, acknowledging past hurts or struggles or healing things that are painful. I think there’s a lot of value in that. And at the same time, I think a problem happens when we continue to regurgitate the same things over and over and over and over again. Right.

Betsy [00:13:53]:
Which is what happens so many times when we go to, like, couples counseling. Right. We just talk about the painful things over and over and over again. We’ve got to shift to the things that are working. And so to bring this back to my experience with the house, like, it gives me an opportunity to practice. And then I’ve got to be thinking forward. Like, if this house was selling, how would I be feeling? What would I be stepping into? Right. Who would I be? And that brings me to the third thing, which is understanding that there is a magic that can happen when we relax and accept that.

Betsy [00:14:31]:
I’m going to say it like this, but the universe always has our back, right? That there is always space for us to be supported and to grow. I think it’s when we do that constriction that we cut ourselves off from that. You know, I was in group this last week, and somebody said something about how uncomfortable it is because I don’t know what’s happening. Oh, it was in our alumni group. I think so. Well, once you become an alumni of our program, then we meet once a month. So it was in our alumni group. We do a monthly coaching, and I love it because we get to connect with everybody.

Betsy [00:15:06]:
And someone was saying there is still this, like, in between. I don’t know what’s going to happen. Right. I don’t know if this is going to happen or that’s going to happen. And I hate that. And I thought. And I said, this is. This is amazing because when you don’t know what’s going to happen, it means you’re getting something new.

Betsy [00:15:27]:
Like, if the path was laid out, then it would be like, this is the same old thing I’ve done before, right? I’m going to get the same outcome I’ve done before. But we want new stuff, right? We want new experiences, we want new problems. There’s always going to be a problem, right? That’s just life. That’s just life. But if we’re having new problems, it means we’re not stuck. It means we’re not just churning in the same thing over and over again, right? It means we’re moving in some direction. And I think that’s one of the big keys to this life, you know, to really enjoying this life. And so when we’re stuck.

Betsy [00:16:06]:
I’m using air quotes again. When we’re stuck in this, like, I feel like I’m. I don’t know what’s going on. That’s the best. Because you’re not really stuck. So in this house, I get an opportunity, right? I get to see what it is that I have to learn here. I get to practice not constricting and being open. And I get to trust in the magic of the universe, of this could lead to anything.

Betsy [00:16:34]:
There could be something that I never even dreamed of that can happen. But when I constrict up, I’m cutting out possibility. Like, somebody could just walk up to my front door right now and say, I want to give you cash, but you have to be out by this weekend. Like that could happen. That can happen. Like anything can happen. But we cut ourselves off and we say what’s probably available to us instead of what would be amazing, what would feel so fun, what would be totally different? And I think that when we can do those three things, you know, when we can be practicing, right? Life is a process. And if you want to change the process, you have to practice it every single day.

Betsy [00:17:25]:
And we can be focused on what’s coming instead of rehashing the crap, right? Heal the crap, but then move forward. And we can start to trust in the magic of the universe and know that the universe has our back and that all the things are working for me. But I’ve got to pay attention to be able to get the lessons and to be able to move forward in a way that really serves me. One of the hardest things I think that I see for people is this idea of maybe it’s not the way you thought. Like, I know you think you see it that way. Like, I know that seems very real. Like, I know you are so sure that what you see is what is, like, the person your. Your spouse that they are that way.

Betsy [00:18:14]:
Like, that is who they are. I’m seeing it like, or my life is this way. The way that this is. This is what will always happen. Or, you know, wherever it is that I’m going, I know this is how it’s going to turn out, because this is how it always turns out. Like, that idea is one of the hardest things to be able to shift, because the truth is that the past will just replay over and over again unless you start to become the person who does something different, right? You begin to change. That process begins to change for you. Now you’re reacting to things differently, and now your outcome is different.

Betsy [00:18:56]:
And that maybe what you see is just what you’ve always seen and you’re hypnotized to look for it, but that there is something else. And so as I’ve been here in this process the last, like, three weeks now, I guess, of having nobody look at the house, I’ve really had to lean into these factors, right? These structure of how I decide I want to live my life. And I could have sat here and stewed and bitched at the agent or complained about everything, or, you know, a number of things. Who knows? All the things I could have the rabbit holes I could have gone down, but instead, really shifting to focus on what can I learn here, how can I practice who I want to be, what is it that I can look forward to, and how can I just lean into this magic? So I feel. I feel it coming. I think I’m going to get some people this weekend, and then I think on Monday I’m going to get an offer. That is what I can feel coming. And I’m just leaning into that.

Betsy [00:19:59]:
And whatever happens is working for me. And so I’m going to just allow whatever happens. But I’m excited. I. I’m excited, too. So I wanted to offer you that my process and way of thinking when things get hard or when you feel stuck in the middle of the in between, but the magic happens in the unknown. And when you can remember that, that is how I think you live a big life. All right, thank you guys so much for listening.

Betsy [00:20:26]:
I love you so much. And I will see you. I’ll see you next week. Bye. Bye. Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show, and thank you for sharing the show with your friends. I love when you guys do that. I appreciate it so much and thank you for leaving me a review on itunes.

Betsy [00:20:45]:
I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to like figure out how to even make that happen. Now if you want to find me, find me on social media. I’m usually on Instagram, starting out on TikTok. It’s just my name, Betsy Paik and that’s my website too. Betsypake.com and you can find out all about the work that I do, having me speak for an event that you might be helping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me, just shoot me a dm, shoot me a direct message on Instagram and I will be at your service. Thanks again for listening and I will see you all next week.