Gospels Pt. 9 – Jesus Bleach

Bible Stories for Atheists

Have you ever wondered when Jesus went from a middle eastern person to a white Anglo-Saxon? No… it doesn’t just stem from German Protestant racism. It was the Transfiguration! When God bleaches Jesus’s clothes white and “transforms his face”.

Before that though we hear the confession of Peter. It’s pretty lame for a confession. More like him just being like, “Hey, I know you’re the messiah.”

A boy with epilepsy is brought to Jesus. His disciples keep trying to drive out the demon and it doesn’t work. Maybe it’s because he’s not possessed but in need of medical attention. Is that what Jesus says? No. Jesus explains that some demons can only be exorcised with prayer… even though he didn’t actually pray to have this particular demon exorcised.

Over and over again, Jesus tells the disciples he’s going to die and get resurrected and they DO NOT GET IT.

Jesus performs some coin/fish magic to pay a temple tax.

And Jesus sends out 72 of his followers to go throughout the land preparing the way for him letting people know who he is and what he’s all about. They finish immediately, so we’re pretty sure it’s they are way more efficient than the original 12.

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