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DNA Surprises

Alexis Hourselt

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Welcome to DNA Surprises, a podcast that delves into the world of unexpected DNA discoveries. I'm your host, Alexis Hourselt. In July 2021, my life took a surprising turn when I found out I'm an NPE—a person who's experienced a non-paternal event. In other words, my biological father isn’t who I thought he was. Join me as we explore the stories of NPEs, adoptees, and donor-conceived people and their families. Get ready to unravel the astonishing journeys that begin with a simple DNA test —th ...
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There is never a good time to discover that the man you’ve called “Dad” for your entire life isn’t biologically related to you, but I imagine that having this realization as he lays in a hospital bed, dying, must be among the worst. In the season 7 finale of DNA Surprises, Dana Schmalenberg shares how she uncovered the truth that both of her parent…
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How do you define family? For so many of us, DNA surprises have made us reflect deeply on this question. For Wyatt, Cassidy, Cody, and Angela, the answer is different depending on who you ask. Twenty-plus years ago when Wyatt, Cassidy, and Cody were born, fertility clinics didn’t advocate for disclosure. So when their mother and father asked Angela…
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Many of us who have had DNA surprises spend some time wondering “What if?” What if we’d been raised in a different house, with our newly discovered biological parent? What if we’d known the truth from the beginning? What would our lives look like now? Would they be better? Or…would they be worse? In this week’s episode, Lisa shares how she uncovere…
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Picture this: you grow up with a sibling who is convinced they are not your dad’s biological child. No one knows about DNA surprises or NPEs or anything like that, but they just know their dad isn't THEIR dad. Years later, after commercial DNA testing becomes commonplace, you offer them some peace of mind. All of your siblings take a test to prove,…
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Secrets. Secrets are often at the beginning of a DNA surprise. But after the surprise is uncovered, is that the end of them? In this week’s episode, Ryan shares how on one fateful Thanksgiving, his mother confessed the truth about his paternity. When he spoke to his birth certificate father and his biological father, they both requested that he con…
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Something that I’ve heard more than once on this podcast is a situation that goes something like this: people are having an argument. A mother and child. A husband and wife. Both parents with their child, or some other combination. And then, in the heat of the moment, someone reveals the truth. So and so isn’t your real dad anyway. And then, just a…
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Tina grew up believing that her biological father didn’t want to be part of her life. Imagine her shock when, after taking a DNA test, she found out that her biological father is someone else altogether. In this week’s episode, Tina shares how she found her biological father and then quickly lost him. She also reveals her family history of NPEs, in…
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The thing about DNA Surprises is that they can happen to anyone. It doesn’t matter your race, socioeconomic status, politics, or background. In this week’s episode, my guest, author Robin Schepper, shares her DNA surprise story. For more than thirty years, Robin served at the highest levels of American politics and government. including on four pre…
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Imagine being 16 and witnessing your parents’ divorce. Imagine finding out at this time that the man who raised you is not your biological father. After finding your biological father and failing to connect, you go through the next three decades just living your life. You have a child. You get married. You get divorced. And then you take a DNA test…
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Sometimes, DNA surprises happen more than once. NPEs, adoptees, and donor-conceived people might have their worlds shaken, only to have it happen again months, years, or even decades later. In this week’s episode, Daughter Dee shares her late discovery adoptee experience, which was followed decades later by an NPE. She shares how she learned that s…
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Erika's incredible DNA surprise journey starts with a mind-altering awakening. Erika always felt an underlying sense of 'otherness' in her family. After an experience with psilocybin, or “magic mushrooms,” she realized that there was a big lie in her life. Thanks to a DNA test and a potent dose of self-awareness, a truth emerges that casts her enti…
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Welcome to Season 7 of DNA Surprises. In the first episode of the season, Jenniffer shares how she unraveled her mother's deep secrets via DNA testing. Jenniffer talks about growing up in a Venezuelan family, fostered at times by her paternal grandparents, only to discover later in life that she shares no DNA with them. In addition, she learned tha…
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Welcome to the season 6 finale of DNA Surprises. In this week’s episode, Jamie bravely shares her DNA surprise journey, which began 5 years ago with a 23&Me test. Jamie’s story encapsulates many parts of the DNA surprise stories we hear. She shares how her NPE came as a complete surprise. Her story includes an ethnic shift, from Italian to Portugue…
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In this week's episode, we delve into Barbara's DNA surprise story. Barbara grew up with a strong connection to her German heritage before discovering, in her fifties, that she was donor-conceived and of Jewish descent. She discusses the challenges she faced, the shock and sense of displacement she felt after the discovery, and the impact it had on…
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In this week’s episode, Lawrence shares his surprise at learning that he is a late discovery adoptee. After he took a DNA test, Lawrence discovered that the mom who raised him is not his biological mother. He describes his search for his biological family, as well as the truth about his birth story, and how his newfound relationships are blossoming…
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Have you been wondering when and where the 2024 DNA Surprise Retreat will be held? In this bonus episode, Debbie and I share all of the details about next year's DNA Surprise Retreat. We also chat about what we loved about 2023's retreat and what we look forward to next year. Registration for the retreat opens November 15, 2023. Visit www.dnasurpri…
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One of the most healing things that we can do during our DNA surprise journeys is to write about them. In this week's episode, I'm joined by author Michelle Tullier. Michelle talks about her journey of finding out the truth, her initial reaction to her discovery, and how she has processed the emotions and navigated her new relationships. She also d…
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Not many of us experience our DNA surprises on television, but this week’s guest did exactly that. Patrice is a foundling adoptee, adopted at just a few months old after being abandoned in a garbage bin. She always knew she was adopted, but as an adult, she decided she wanted to look for her biological family. The TLC show Long Lost Family shows he…
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Welcome to a bonus episode of DNA Surprises. Michael Paul first joined me in Season 2, shortly after his discovery. In this bonus episode, Michael shares an update on what's happened in his life since we last spoke. He shares his journey of discovering the importance of self-care and setting boundaries after a DNA surprise. He also discusses his ev…
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If you’re familiar with other DNA surprise podcasts, this week’s guest needs no introduction. And if you aren’t allow me to introduce you to Lily Wood, host of NPE Stories. Lily started NPE Stories after experiencing her own NPE in 2019. She is a strong presence in our community, a bonafide truth-teller, and I call her one of the OGs in this space.…
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Something we unfortunately hear too often in our community is that NPEs were treated differently as children. In this week’s story, Nina shares how her DNA surprise explained why her mother treated her poorly her entire life. She also discusses how her newfound connections are going and how she is working to accept that she may never find answers. …
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This week’s DNA surprise story is told from a side we haven’t heard from yet - a found father. When Gerard received an email from a man claiming to be his son, he wasn’t sure what to think. He soon discovered that unbeknownst to him, he was the father of a 30-something-year-old man who had been adopted as an infant. Gerard shares how he pieced toge…
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What is more shocking than one NPE discovery? Two NPE discoveries. In this week’s episode, Pam shares how she spent 20 years believing that her biological father wasn’t her “dad," but another man with whom she had a strained relationship. Imagine her surprise when, after the invention of commercial DNA tests, she uncovered another truth - that her …
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When Michelle took her DNA test, she wasn’t looking for her own biological father. In fact, she hoped to answer some questions about her mother’s NPE. You can imagine her shock when she discovered that her mother wasn’t the only NPE - Michelle was too. She also learned that her biological father is a man she fondly remembered from her childhood. Mi…
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DNA tests. NPE. Donor conception. Politics. In this week’s episode of DNA Surprises, I’m joined by Eric, who learned that he was donor-conceived after taking a 23andMe test. He shares why he decided to take the test, why he waited three years before doing anything with his surprising results, and how his discovery impacted his relationship with his…
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Welcome to Season 6 of DNA Surprises. We’re kicking off this season with a quadruple DNA surprise story as told by triplets. Rikki, Julianne, and Kendall are donor-conceived triplets who were separated at birth. Rikki was raised by her biological mother and who she believed was her biological father. Jules and Kendall were raised together by their …
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Welcome to the Season 5 finale of DNA Surprises. In this week’s episode, Josie shares a DNA surprise that doesn’t come as the result of a test she took, but of her own revelation well into her twenties. She always knew that she was donor conceived and raised by a single mother, but it wasn’t until she had her son that she wanted to find her sperm d…
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Sometimes the connections that we make on our DNA surprise journeys extend beyond immediate family - and sometimes, they’re beyond ourselves. In this week’s episode, Chris shares how his quest to find his biological father connected other family members with each other. He discusses how he finally found out who his biological father is and how neve…
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Before we begin this episode, a content warning: there is a brief mention of suicidal ideation in this story. Parenting while navigating a DNA surprise journey can be an extremely difficult task. In this week’s episode, Shelly shares how she not only uncovered that her raised dad was not her biological father, but that she is also ethnically Jewish…
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Many folks who experience a DNA surprise share a feeling of being the black sheep of their family - of never quite fitting in, and in some cases, being actively ostracized by their family of origin. In this week’s episode, Penny shares her complicated family history and why her NPE validated her outsider status within the family. She reflects on th…
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Before we begin this week’s episode, we have a content warning. There are multiple references to child abuse, including sexual abuse, in this story. When some people experience DNA surprises, the initial shock and grief just scratch the surface of the emotions that arise. In this week’s episode, Caroline shares how she discovered that her birth cer…
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When the parents in a DNA surprise story are no longer alive to answer questions, their children are left to investigate. In this week’s episode Shari discusses her NPE discovery, including the months of painstaking research she did while trying to identify her biological father. Shari talks about how she put the pieces together, why she views her …
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In many cultures, kinship adoption is commonplace. Sometimes children grow up knowing they were adopted by a grandparent, aunt, uncle, or other extended family members. For people like Mark, this information comes as a surprise. In this week’s episode, Mark shares how he discovered that his mother is actually his grandmother and his sister is actua…
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DNA surprises are, by definition, surprises, but sometimes there are murmurs and suspicions long before a DNA test confirms the truth. In this week’s episode, Liann shares how she uncovered her mother’s secret long before she took a test. She talks about how she’s navigated her journey so far, including rejection from her biological father. She als…
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What’s in a name? For people who have experienced a DNA surprise, a whole lot. In this week's episode, Morgan shares his DNA surprise story as the child of an adoptee. He describes how he first found his biological grandmother before the days of the internet and later found his biological grandfather’s family with the help of commercial DNA testing…
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When an NPE connects with newfound family and begins building positive relationships, many people consider it to be a success story. Sometimes, though, relationships take a turn, and rejection happens further into the relationship. In this week’s episode, Kimberly shares how she uncovered her DNA surprise and connected with her biological father. S…
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Content Warning: Please note that there are references to suicide in this story. If you are experiencing thoughts of self-harm, please contact an emergency or mental health professional. If you’re in the US, you can call or text 988. Sometimes DNA discoveries occur without the aid of a DNA test. In this week’s episode, Jen shares how her mother rev…
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Welcome to Season 5 of DNA Surprises. In the first episode of the season, Christa shares her NPE story. Christa always knew that something wasn’t quite right because she looked different from her family. When she got the results of her 23&Me test, she learned that her biological father wasn’t who she expected, and neither was her ethnicity. Christa…
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Welcome to a bonus episode of DNA Surprises! Today I am joined by my good friend and co-founder of the DNA Surprise Retreat, Debbie Olson. Debbie is a Certified Life Coach and founder of DNA Surprise Network. She helps others navigate life’s path after having a DNA Surprise, having experienced one of her own. She enjoys using her skills of empathy,…
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Welcome to the season 4 finale of DNA Surprises. One of the things I’ve observed throughout my conversations within this community is that NPEs often explain away confusing details about their conception or births because we trust our parents. We believe what we’re told. In this week’s episode, Sam explains how she always felt different from her si…
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Welcome to a bonus episode of DNA Surprises. Christine Wolf is a Chicago-based author and writing coach whose focus is on memoir and biography. Her award-winning work is regularly featured in national newspapers, magazines, and on live storytelling stages. Through her compassionate and trauma-informed approach, Wolf empowers writers and non-writers…
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Sometimes DNA surprises lead to flourishing relationships with newfound family, but sometimes they do not. In this week’s episode, Angie shares how a comment from her birth certificate father’s wife revealed a non-paternal event. She discusses how she identified her biological father with the help of DNAngels and her disappointment at his unwilling…
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Welcome to a bonus episode of DNA surprises. In this episode, I’m joined by Lindsay Johnson, a registered nurse, board-certified nurse coach, and integrative health coach who cares for the caregiver through stress, burnout, and trauma healing. She utilizes various methodologies in her practice, including mindful listening, transformative coaching, …
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DNA surprises can cause major disruptions to our interpersonal relationships, particularly the bonds we have with our raised parents. But often what most affects those relationships isn’t the surprises themselves, but how people act afterward. In this episode, Stacy shares how she uncovered not one, but two NPEs throughout her life. She shares how …
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When people experience DNA surprises, the range of emotions they feel can be wide. There’s sadness. There’s confusion. There’s happiness, sometimes. And often, there is anger. In this week’s episode, Aly shares how she felt when she learned that her birth certificate father isn’t her biological father and that she was born after a years-long affair…
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Welcome to a bonus episode of DNA surprises. In this episode, I’m joined by Jennica Klemann, an Advanced Certified Grief Recovery Specialist and Arizona Licensed Massage Therapist. She specializes in a variety of losses including death, divorce, loss of health, child loss, pet loss, and complicated familial dynamics, just to name a few. Jennica is …
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Sometimes DNA surprises aren’t surprising at all, but validating. In this week’s episode, Kim shares how she learned that after feeling different from her family her entire life, she is not genetically related to her raised father. She also learned that she isn’t white as she believed, but descends from a large Mexican family. She shares how she’s …
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Oftentimes in the DNA surprise community, one NPE leads to another. In this week’s episode, Scarlett shares how she learned she was an NPE, only to learn that the man her mother identified wasn’t her biological father, either. She tells us about her tumultuous upbringing, how her relationship with her raised family and newfound family is progressin…
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One of the things people in the DNA surprise community contend with is that we’ll never have all of the answers to our questions. In this week’s episode, Debra shares her story. She grew up with her mother and stepfather and was largely estranged from the man she believed to be her father. After reconnecting and building a relationship, she learned…
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In this very special bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I’m joined by Jennifer Spencer, who is facilitating a session on Radical Acceptance at the DNA Surprise Retreat. Jennifer is a licensed professional counselor who works with people who want to make lasting change for themselves to better their relationships, enjoy life, and make an overall life w…
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